Table Tawk
Members of the Dope Department.

August 17, 2001 9:40 a.m.

he dinner parties of Georgetown and Manhattan are the stuff of legend, so much so that one forgets there are dinner parties elsewhere, including Richmond, which as it happens is where I had dinner Saturday evening. The diners took up topics great and greasy, many of which are no doubt much discussed in DC/M — though perhaps not in quite the same way.

On the light end there was chatter about the Bush girls and their media problems. To no surprise, all the guests save one took the side of the Bushettes, including a couple with strong Democratic leanings. The chief complaint: The media are too intrusive.

As a member of the industry (hack division), it was left to me to point out that the Bush girls deserve everything they get. They are, after all, the president's daughters and know they will be under constant surveillance. Their dad is also a Republican, which means they will be cut no slack for the smallest of infractions. This is so obvious only a dope could miss it. Make that a couple of dopes.

There are no doubt analysts who believe the girls have "issues" which make rational behavior impossible, and perhaps this dodge will become their way out should more troubles develop. Some of us, however, are beginning to gag each time the I-word is spoken. The word apparently lends an authoritative edge to a discussion, at least in some minds, but it is far too overused, even out here in the bush. A fellow musician speaks of "tuning issues" — that is, your instrument is out of tune. Currently, my car is in the shop. It has some brake and transmission issues.

As for now, the Bushettes' dopiness is given some cover by the even dopier people who make much of their minor infractions. Talk magazine is the perfect example: Its photo spread portraying the twins as jailbirds reminds us that some editors, especially those who fancy themselves sophisticated trendsetters, are actually grasping punks with puny intellects. Is Tina Brown trashed much in Manhattan? Take it from me: It cleanses the palette, like a long draw from a Cobra Malt Liquor.

The president's stem-cell speech was also on the diners' minds, though not so much for its content as its delivery. Pa Bush did his best, and seems to have won a majority to his position. But there is little denying that serious words do not fall easily from his lips, simply because he has the permanently carefree air of a fellow who was born in a bank vault. I found myself quickly focusing on what appeared to be a couple of bats flying around outside the window behind him. As they darted back and forth behind the president, it was as if Dick Tuck had returned for one last hurrah.

Yet the most prolonged conversation concerned the rising acceptance among the young of the sexual practice now know universally as The Monica. Our hostess told of how TM — initials once associated with Transcendental Meditation — has become a rite of passage for some of her daughter's friends.

She found this highly distasteful, and also spoke of a readiness to admit the deed, as if TM were not authentic Sex — a first cousin, perhaps, but hardly the real McCoy. The men at the table also expressed amazement, with one or two perhaps secretly concluding they had been born into this world a few decades too soon.

In any event, the youthification of TM, a practice that remains illegal in Virginia, was laid at the feet (so to speak) of Bill Clinton. This is probably overdoing it, though the notion that TM is not really sex does echo his well-known theological position, apparently arrived at with the assistance of a Baptist cleric: Orality is not the same as adultery. Bill's awesome exegesis has been widely cheered throughout much of the world, and no doubt in purgatory to boot.

However, for parents with female children, there's a whiff of dangerous heresy about it. What's more, if TM is not real sex, an awful lot of fellows have been tossing down real money on a fraud for many, many years. At the very least that should trigger some sort of U.N. response and a ruling from the Council of Economic Advisers on the true status of the act.

The most troubling aspect of the conversation was the unavoidable conclusion that some young people — and perhaps many young people — actually take lifestyle cues from the political class. And so it appears the Bushettes have a lot of company in the Dope Department. All of which sent some of the diners home with a distinctly bitter taste in their mouths: Their government not only lies to them and steals their money, but inspires their daughters to take up TM. Sometimes, life is nothing short of a nightmare.