Christmas
was coming
The goose was getting fat
So we ate her and her children
And that was that.
— Freshly penned folk song
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 t's nice to
have Christmas behind us. As
mentioned last week, some insightful Americans have concluded
it's high time we deported Santa Claus and his pal, the Easter Bunny.
Among other things, both are very much out touch with current realities.
We are at war
with tough people who eat dirt and, for entertainment, smoke scorpions.
I'm talking about the grunts, of course. Despite brave talk about
fighting to the death Mullah Omar and Slim bin Laden may well be
scuttling toward Antigua with a pair of 23-year-old belly dancers
and a case of Night Train wine. May God rain festering cankers and
boils upon them.
Meantime, one
assumes great challenges await us, and so we must be prepared to
suffer hard blows and return them in triplicate. In the cause of
further toughening ourselves, here's one of those "what's in,
what's out" lists that are a staple of New Year journalism.
Memorization is strongly suggested; all spellings approximate.
| OUT |
IN |
| Sensitivity
training |
Racial
profiling |
| Legal
eagles |
Tribunals |
| Crop
dusters |
Daisy
cutters |
| Feelings |
Cajones |
| "Have
a Nice Day" |
"Adios,
Abdul" |
| Unitarians |
Catholics |
| Gaia |
Jehovah |
| Lamb |
Lion |
| Tigger |
Trigger |
| Eeyore |
Bangalore |
| Bambi |
Deerslayer |
| Shalom |
Shellac |
| Love
Boat |
Gun
Ship |
| Wheat
germ |
Anthrax |
| Croissant |
Hard
tack |
| Jacuzzi |
Uzi |
| S-M |
AN
|
| K-Y |
KP |
| J.Lo |
Camo |
| Ru
Paul |
Stonewall |
| Martha's
Vineyard |
Parris
Island |
| Harvard |
Citadel |
| Marin |
Marines |
| Princess
Di |
Semper
Fi |
| Maureen
Dowd |
Turin
shroud |
| Tolerance |
Torture |
| Irony |
Reveille |
| Mercy |
Mustard
gas |
| Compassion |
Assassin |
| Sympathy |
Psy-ops |
| Empathy |
Infantry |
| Exchange
of views |
Thumb
screws |
| Calm |
Napalm |
| Claymation |
Claymore |
| Support
group |
Firing
squad |
| Reaching
out |
Strafing |
| Fun
run |
Gatling
gun |
| HHS |
CIA |
| PAW |
POW |
| ACLU |
NYPD |
| Society
of Friends |
MOSSAD |
| Dalai
Lama |
Joe
Camel |
| Jerry
Springer |
Garibaldi |
| Mr.
Rogers |
Dr.
Strangelove |
| Oliver
Stone |
Sgt.
Rock |
| Ben
and Jerry |
Smith
& Wesson |
| Streisand |
Marine
Band |
| Hillary |
Pillory |
This list is not exhaustive, is susceptible to change. J.Lo, it
should also be pointed out, has entertained our troops and is therefore
to be commended. J.Lo in camo, it should be added, ain't half bad.
She's doing more for troop morale than Betsy Ross ever dreamed of.
After the war,
of course, vilification will resume.
|
