Politics & Policy

Pork ‘n Pervez

NRO's favorite canine asks the tough questions of Pakistan's President

Cosmo: President Musharraf, I want to thank you for taking the time out of your schedule for this interview. I understand that the threat of a devastating, possibly nuclear, war with India must be a terrible burden. That, and the continuing military actions in pursuit of the Taliban and various al Qaeda cells must have you terribly busy.

President Musharraf: Not at all, it is my pleasure.

Cosmo: Let me begin with a truly vexing question.

Musharraf: Please?

Cosmo: I understand that you do not eat pork. What is up with that?

Musharraf: I do not understand.

Cosmo: Pork, you know, pork! The other white meat? Good God, man, what is wrong with you? How can you not eat it? It’s so tasty.

Musharraf: Well, it is my religion. Allah forbids the consumption of pork. Frankly, I am appalled that this is what you would ask me at a time like this. My time is very valuable.

Cosmo: I’m sorry. I apologize, it’s just that I find the whole idea very troubling. Let me move on to some other pressing questions.

Musharraf: Very well, please do.

Cosmo: Thank you. Again, I apologize. Let’s move on to another topic: bacon. Are you saying you don’t eat that either?

Musharraf: Well, bacon is pork too… Wait! What is wrong with you? I am an important man and these are serious times!

Cosmo: Please, just one more question: Ham? Do you not eat ham?

Musharraf: It is all the same animal! [standing up and removing his microphone]. Please, my country is on the brink of annihilation and you can only ask about this? It is outrageous!

Cosmo: I’m sorry, I’m sorry. But, I was wondering — you must have a lot of pork lying around, since you don’t eat it? Where is it? I’d like to take it off your hands. You don’t need it. Is it here? In your car? Please, tell me where the ham is. I will get it. No trouble for you. Please tell me. The pork, I must know where the pork is. Please… Bacon is a terrible thing to waste.


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