Democratic presidential candidates and the Democratic leadership in Congress are gunning for President Bush over the invasion of Iraq and Saddam Hussein’s overthrow. The British Labor party is gunning for Prime Minister Tony Blair over his politico-military support of President Bush. No WMDs, no uranium from Niger, no Saddam to be found, Coalition soldiers being shot up. No United Nations legitimization of the “aggression” against Iraq. What a mess. Only one thing to be done and the Democratic leadership in Congress and the Labor majority in the House of Commons are about to do something never before done in history: Introduce a joint resolution on Iraq which repudiates Bush and Blair and at the same time restores Saddam Hussein to the presidency of Iraq.
This is a draft of the resolution which has suddenly appeared on my computer screen:
Whereas, the Congress of the United States and the House of Commons of the United Kingdom, in solemn session have pondered the war against Iraq President Saddam Hussein and
Recalling, that the President of the United States and the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom were concerned at the threat of Iraq’s noncompliance with Security Council resolutions and known proliferation of weapons of mass destruction and long-range missiles poses to international peace and security, and
Deploring the fact that Iraq at the time had not provided an accurate, full, final, and complete disclosure, as required by U.N. resolution 687 (1991), of all aspects of its programmes to develop weapons of mass destruction and ballistic missiles and of all holdings of such weapons, their components and production facilities and locations, as well as all other nuclear programmes, including any which it claims are for purposes not related to nuclear-weapons-usable material, and
Recalling, that the Security Council was told that weapons of mass destruction would be found after the defeat of Saddam Hussein, and
Recognizing that after months of search by coalition forces no such weapons of mass destruction, biological, chemical, or nuclear have been found anywhere in occupied Iraq despite promises and assurances from the President of the United States and the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom that such weapons would be found, and
Determined that action should be taken to rectify the injustice done to Saddam Hussein and the people of Iraq, the legislatures of the United States and the United Kingdom recommend:
First, immediate withdrawal of all foreign troops from the Republic of Iraq;
Second, reelection by acclamation of Saddam Hussein to his lawful post as President of the Republic of Iraq;
Third, immediate restitution of all currencies stolen from the treasury of Iraq;
Fourth, freeing of all Iraqi officials now in custody and restoring them to their previous positions;
Fifth, reconstruction of all prisons which were illegally destroyed by coalition forces aided by Iraqi criminals;
Sixth, elimination of special privileges for the Kurdish and Shiite populations who threaten the unity of the Republic of Iraq.
Seventh, written apologies to be prepared with the advice and consent of appropriate committees of Congress and House of Commons are to be presented in person by the President of the United States and the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom to President Saddam Hussein after his ticker tape parade up Broadway and receiving the keys to New York City;
Eighth, payment of $1 million for the death of each son of President Saddam; and
Ninth, recommendations are to be made by U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan to the Nobel Prize award officials that they should bestow upon President Saddam Hussein the Nobel Peace Prize for 2004.
— The author of this news parody is Arnold Beichman, a Hoover Institution research fellow, is a columnist for the Washington Times.