EDITOR’S NOTE:
This article appears in the July 26, 2004, issue of National Review.
Unidentified Male Voice: “Hello?”
Surveillance Subject: “Dick, this is John.”
Unidentified Male Voice: “John . . . ?”
Surveillance Subject: “John Kerry.”
Unidentified Male Subject: “Oh, hi. How are you, Senator?”
Surveillance Subject: “I’m doing very well, Dick, very well indeed. But it’s my unfortunate duty to call you to say that…”
Unidentified Male Voice: “I’m your VP pick! Oh, this is great! This is just great! I didn’t think it was going to happen, you know. I just thought, well, Dick, history has passed you by, too many failed runs at this thing, too much union stuff, too much…we’re going to be an awesome team, John! Kerry-Gephardt ‘04! Whoooooooo! Whooooooooo! I am going to make you so happy you picked me, man! I’m just…I’m…oh, man, you know, I told myself I wasn’t going to get emotional…”
Surveillance Subject: “Dick?”
Unidentified Male Voice: “Yes, John? I mean, yes, Mr. President?”
Surveillance Subject: “I’m calling to tell you that I’m NOT picking you.”
Unidentified Male Voice: “Whaaaa?”
Surveillance Subject: “It’s Edwards.”
Unidentified Male Voice: “You’re freakin’ kidding me.”
Surveillance Subject: “No. It’s Edwards. I mean, he’s young, he’s…”
Unidentified Male Voice: “He’s a millionaire. That makes two millionaires on the Democratic ticket! Are you out of your mind? Who’s going to appeal to the regular Joe?”
Surveillance Subject: “I shall.”
Unidentified Male Voice: “You?”
Surveillance Subject: “When required, I can be very…what’s the phrase?…comme il faut.”
Unidentified Male Voice: “I can’t believe you led me on like this.”
Surveillance Subject: “Dick, I did not lead you on. You jumped to conclusions, is what happened. Why would I have said ‘it’s my unfortunate duty’ if I was going to tell you that you’re my VP choice?”
Unidentified Male Voice: “Because we’re going to lose. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to do it, John. I wanted to fly in the big plane, just once.”
Surveillance Subject: “Good-bye, Dick.”
Unidentified Male Voice: “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kiss my…”
CLICK ON THE LINE.
DIAL TONE. DIALING.
Unidentified Female Voice: “Hello?”
Surveillance Subject: “Hillary, it’s John.”
YOU CAN READ THE REST OF THIS ARTICLE IN THE CURRENT ISSUE OF THE NEW DIGITAL VERSION OF NATIONAL REVIEW. IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A SUBSCRIPTION TO NR DIGITAL OR NATIONAL REVIEW, YOU CAN SIGN UP FOR A SUBSCRIPTION TO NATIONAL REVIEW here OR NATIONAL REVIEW DIGITAL here (a subscription to NR includes Digital access).