Politics & Policy

57 Reasons Kerry Can’T Win

1. “Global test”

2. Hamsters

3. Did he serve in Vietnam?

4. Botox

5. He’s the liberal senator from Massachusetts

6. Teresa

7. The Supreme Court

8. John Edwards’s hair

9. Your new tax bracket

10. Emma Claire and Jack Edwards (Sure, they seem like adorable little kids, but they’ll become annoying — most little kids who aren’t yours do.)

11. Trial lawyers

12. Bob Shrum (If the curse of the Bambino must end, we need the curse of Shrum to survive.)

13. Alan Colmes must not enjoy this triumph over Sean Hannity

14. Al Franken

15. Dana Milbank

16. Michael Moore

17. Dan Rather

18. Richard Clarke

19. Madeleine Albright

20. Ann Lewis

21. Paul Begala

22. James Carville

23. Joe Lockhart

24. Chris Lehane

25. Chief Justice Hillary Rodham Clinton

26. Attorney General Eric Holder

27. FBI Director Jamie Gorelick

28. U.N. Ambassador Chuck Hagel

29. Defense Secretary Carl Levin

30. HUD Secretary Al Sharpton

31. Little League on the White House lawn replaced by badminton in whites — or croquet

32. Increased U.N. oversight in Iraq

33. Sunset of the Patriot Act and the institutionalization of “the wall”

34. Nuclear know-how and enriched uranium for Iran

35. EU and U.N. pressure on Israel

36. “Constructive engagement” with Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran

37. Vice President Edwards in charge of tort reform

38. Importation of cheaper prescription drugs from Canada

39. Plan to balance the budget within four years revised: Administration will work to reverse annual deficit increases by 2015.

40. Taxpayer bailouts of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, as well as the airline industry

41. The Kyoto Treaty

42. The International Criminal Court

43. Boston has already won a more important victory.

44. A Catholic president should be allowed to take communion.

45. He voted against the first Gulf War — a war that had met the “global test.”

46. He accused his fellow soldiers of war crimes — while the North Vietnamese were holding American POWs.

47. He has not made clear whether he met with the enemy in France.

48. State dinner for French president Jacques Chirac

49. Special envoy Bill Clinton

50. Energy Secretary Gray Davis

51. Secretary of State Richard Holbrooke

52. White House weddings for Vanessa and Alexandra

53. Importation of price controls from Canada

54. Terrorism as a “nuisance”

55. The Red Sox cap

56. “Zshen-jis Khan”

57. The mustard-colored jacket

NRO Staff — Members of the National Review Online editorial and operational teams are included under the umbrella “NR Staff.”


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