Politics & Policy

Listening In

Secret conversations revealed!

EDITOR’S NOTE: This piece appears in the August 8, 2005, issue of National Review.

NSA Document Extracts: Telephone Transcripts

First Extract

(Patriot Act roving wiretap authorized)

static

UNIDENTIFIED MALE VOICE: “Hello?”

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE VOICE: “Joe? This is Judith Miller at the New York Times.”

UNIDENTIFIED MALE VOICE: “Hey! Judith! How are you? Why so formal?”

JUDITH MILLER: “Sorry, Joe, but I’m working on a story about the Niger trip and the yellowcake thing.”

#AD#JOSEPH WILSON: “Yeah. Crazy stuff, huh? Did you read my op-ed?”

JUDITH MILLER: “Uh huh. And we’re just following up here, trying to get something for the front page, and . . .”

JOSEPH WILSON: “Does the double-breasted make me look fat?”

JUDITH MILLER: “Excuse me?”

JOSEPH WILSON: “Sorry, Jude, I’m doing ‘Hardball’ tonight and you caught me getting a new suit. I’m talking to the guy here.”

UNIDENTIFIED FOREIGN-SOUNDING MALE VOICE: “No, no, Meester Vilson. De jacket, she convey authority an a kind ov secksul energy.”

JOSEPH WILSON: “Fantastic! But I’ll need a new shirt for Stephanopoulos.”

UNIDENTIFIED FOREIGN-SOUNDING MALE VOICE: “Come here to de shirtings area.”

JUDITH MILLER: “Joe?”

JOSEPH WILSON: “Sorry, Jude. I’m listening. What do you need? Not that kind of collar, it makes my face look all poochy. That one. Oh, nice. Does this come in other colors? I think I’m doing Russert on Sunday. Jude, you there?”

JUDITH MILLER: “Joe, should I call you back?”

JOSEPH WILSON: “No, no, this is a great time. I’m getting a facial later and I can’t talk with the goop on my face. Did I look too red last night on Koppel? I thought I looked red.”

UNIDENTIFIED FOREIGN-SOUNDING MALE VOICE: “No, no, Meester Vilson. You look like some kine ov got, some kine of deety.”

JOSEPH WILSON: “Great! Can we look at ties?”

JUDITH MILLER: “Joe, I’m sort of on deadline. Can I just get a couple of questions in?”

JOSEPH WILSON: “Go, go. Yeah. I’m here.”

JUDITH MILLER: “Well, I’m getting a lot of weird signals from some sources I have at Central Intelligence that your report from Niger may not have been so unequivocal . . .”

JOSEPH WILSON: “Solids. The little pattern things look too Hermes-y.”

UNIDENTIFIED FOREIGN-SOUNDING MALE VOICE: “But de contrass will light up your beautiful face.”

JOSEPH WILSON: “True.”

JUDITH MILLER: “Joe?”

JOSEPH WILSON: “Yeah, I heard. The CIA push back? Right. Too pink, I told you I look too red as it is. Right. Can we take the jacket in a little on the chest? I want to look like I’m bursting out of it.”

UNIDENTIFIED FOREIGN-SOUNDING MALE VOICE: “Like as eef you are de supermans?”

JUDITH MILLER: “Joe, c’mon! I need to file.”

JOSEPH WILSON: “What do you want me to say, Judith? Too tight. Push back from the agency is just CYA, okay? That’s how the game is played. I went over there, looked around, brought back some amazing basketwork, by the way, and wrote my report. The agency has egg on its face and it wants to blame me. You want a quote? I’ll give you a quote! My own freakin’ wife is a CIA operative, okay? She told me it was going to be a no-win situation and she’s the one who got me the gig in the first place! Oh, nice. Nice. I need it all by this afternoon, okay?”

UNIDENTIFIED FOREIGN-SOUNDING MALE VOICE: “Bud ov corz, Meester Vilson.”

JOSEPH WILSON: “Um, Jude, that last part was on background, okay? Like, seriously background. Okay?”

JOSEPH WILSON: “Judith?”

JOSEPH WILSON: “Judith, you there?”

JOSEPH WILSON: “Judith?”

UNIDENTIFIED FOREIGN-SOUNDING MALE VOICE: “I need to swipe your card.”..

End Extract . . .

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