EDITOR’S NOTE: This piece appears in the December 19, 2005, issue of National Review.
www.craigslist.org > baghdad > legal/paralegal jobs
[Tue, 6 Dec 09:04:42]
DEFENSE ATTORNEY(S) WANTED
Prominent former world leader, currently experiencing unlawful incarceration and absurd show trial, seeks EXPERIENCED and TOP-QUALITY legal counsel(s) for next several months. Candidates must have proven track record with trials of this kind (The Hague, Nuremberg, etc., etc.) and MUST have degree from TOP-TIER law school.
Duties include but not limited to: preparing defense arguments, researching trial motions, court and trial representation, hand/ foot massages, occasional hair styling.
Applicant MUST HAVE experience with hand/foot massage. DO NOT apply for this position without the appropriate qualifications. Should the defendant beat the charges and GET OUT OF PRISON, he will REMEMBER who tried to trick him with a SUB-STANDARD HAND/FOOT MASSAGE and that will be that.
Pay scale based entirely on applicant’s qualifications and DOCUMENTED university degree. Please note that a law degree from either Uday Hussein College of Law OR Qusay Hussein Institute of Legal Training WILL DISQUALIFY any applicant. Please also note that position has a life expectancy of five to five-and-a-half weeks.
Looking to hire anywhere from 25 to 100 TOP-QUALITY applicants for this position. Not all at once, obviously, but AS THE NEED ARISES.
no — Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
no — Please, no phone calls about this job!
no — Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
no — Reposting this message elsewhere is NOT OK.
www.craigslist.org > chappaqua > services > therapeutic services
[Tue, 6 Dec 09:05:17]
ACTIVE MALE SEEKS GAL FRIDAY, ETC.
Prominent former world leader, currently married (wife travels) and living in Westchester area, seeks young gal Friday for help around the house, with files, appointments, heart medication, etc., etc.
Ideal applicant is young, energetic, WELL-ADJUSTED, with NO FATHER ISSUES, and NOT CLINGY. Also: proficient with Word and FileMakerPro. Must be able to relieve muscular tension and synch BlackBerry to main server. Etc., etc., etc.
Hours are flexible, but count on overnights, afternoons, some late mornings, etc. Also: Applicant must be prepared to spend several hours sitting very still and quiet in the rear of the closet in the master bedroom, if certain situation arises re: wife’s unexpected return. . .
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