EDITOR’S NOTE: This piece appears in the May 8, 2006, issue of National Review.
LARRY KING: “Tomorrow night! Remembering Don Knotts! A surprising hour! From Chicago, Illinois, you’re on with our guest, Judas Iscariot! Hello!”
CALLER: “Hi, Larry. Hi, Judas. Can I call you Judas?”
JUDAS ISCARIOT: “Of course.”
CALLER: “It’s just that I feel like I’ve known you all my life, so I feel like I can call you Judas. I just want to say that I just finished your gospel, which I loved, and I’d like to know if you have any more books planned?”
LARRY KING: “Good question. Is this thing the start of a franchise? I keep thinking Da Vinci Code, I keep thinking Narnia.”
JUDAS ISCARIOT: “No, no, Larry. It’s just the one gospel. At least for now.”
LARRY KING: “But they gotta be after you, right? Phone ringing off the hook? Books, movies, right?”
JUDAS ISCARIOT: “Honestly, Larry, I live a quiet life. You know, when they quote unquote found my gospel — the publishing world is crazy, I wrote the damn thing 2,000 years ago and have been pushing it and pushing it and pushing it, suddenly it’s out there and I’m a quote unquote overnight success — anyway, they find it, we make a deal — “
LARRY KING: “Was it a good deal?”
JUDAS ISCARIOT: “You know what, Larry? It was fair. I can’t complain about the deal.”
LARRY KING: “Thirty pieces of silver, and all that? Kidding!”
JUDAS ISCARIOT: “Listen, Larry, you gotta have a sense of humor about life.”
LARRY KING: “Here I am the Jew talking about pieces of silver! Gotta tread careful with this stuff, am I right?”
JUDAS ISCARIOT: “Interestingly, Larry, I’m Jewish too.”
LARRY KING: “Yeah, but not from Brooklyn.”
JUDAS ISCARIOT: “No. From the Levant. But as you know, we were all of us, all of the apostles, originally of the Jewish faith before . . .”
LARRY KING: “The original Jews for Jesus! Good stuff. Tuesday! Erectile dysfunction! The whole hour! From Baton Rouge, Louisiana, hello!”
CALLER: “Hi, Larry. I’d like to ask your guest how he feels about the way he’s been portrayed in the media for the past 2,000 years. . . .”
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