Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the House,
The incoming Dems were beginning to grouse.
Their eyes turned toward the White House with care,
In hopes that Hillary soon would be there.
The candidates were courted by lobbyists to bed,
While visions of New Hampshire danced in their heads.
While Pelosi in Armani, Steny Hoyer on tap,
Prepared Washington for its long winter’s nap.
When on the telly there arose such a clatter,
It was Dennis Kucinich, mad as a hatter!
Sure not like Hillary in terms of his cash,
But determined to be a big pain in the ass.
A Clinton lock seemed to be sown,
Her campaign coffers continued to grow.
When, what to bewildered eyes should appear,
But a contender who’s only served two years.
With a flourish they drove to ‘08 so quick,
Armed with the usual antiwar shtick!
More rapid than migrants to the border they came
Presidential fantasies from the usual names!
“Now Kerry! now, Vilsack! now, Bill Richardson!
On, Biden! On, Edwards! on, Al Sharpton!
To the top of the polls! To the TV shows, y’all!
Campaign away! Before your poll numbers fall!”
As victory in Iraq would make some lefties cry,
Some said Baker-Hamilton should have a try.
With looming threats from Iran’s nutter too,
So the need for a good ballot grew.
Voters might be tempted by one of these blokes,
As long as he doesn’t make a botched joke.
But Hillary’s resolved to not lose ground,
To a junior senator who’s been sniffing around
Obama’s charming the folks, from his head to his foot,
But does he see the dark horse in the nook?
Al Gore may be ready to wage an attack,
After jumping on the Academy’s back.
His truths — how inconvenient! his howling — how merry!
Gore’s candidacy would be not unlike Kerry‘s!
Never mind most people find him a bore,
And Borat’s take just bashed Michael Moore.
The old lefty guard has lost much of its teeth,
But midterms gave Dems a chance to breathe.
So people get ready to flock to your telly,
As ‘08 campaigning should get dirty and smelly!
Dems will pull Bush-bashing off the shelf,
As if GOP hopefuls don’t think for themselves!
For all we know Osama may be dead,
But terrorists still give us much to dread.
Remember the GOP went straight to work,
Removing the Taliban, Saddam, and other jerks.
And though to the top the House Dems rose,
Their foreign policy should totally blow!
So the hopefuls fire off, like one of Kim’s missiles,
Trying to make their Dem challengers bristle.
But as winter makes D.C. all snowy and white,
Hear the GOP whisper, “We haven’t lost the fight!”
– Bridget Johnson is a columnist at the Los Angeles Daily News. She blogs at GOP Vixen.