Politics & Policy

Princeton Student: Joking About How I Pronounce ‘Cool Whip’ Is a Microaggression

. . . and microaggressions cause binge drinking.

According to a Princeton University student, joking about the way he pronounces “Cool Whip” is a microaggression, and microaggressions are very serious because they cause binge drinking.

In a column for The Daily Princetonian, Tennessee freshman Newby Parton explains that he is from an area where people pronounce their “wh” sounds “hw,” and that this has caused hardship in his life — such as having to endure people asking him to say “Cool Whip”:

“I’ll say ‘Cool Whip.’ They’ll repeat it back to me with exaggerated emphasis on the /h/. I’ve been pulled into this conversation several times now, and each time I grow a bit more self-conscious.”

Parton wrote that he eventually decided he could no longer stay silent about this injustice, and finally said something to a friend who had “put [him] through the ‘Cool Whip’ routine.”

“I waited awhile and texted her this: ‘Making fun of regional speech is a microaggression,’” he wrote.  

It was obviously very brave of Parton to stand up against oppression via text message — but his friend didn’t even say she was sorry for her brutal insensitivity!

“There came no apology or retraction,” he wrote.

According to Parton, that jerk of a friend merely told him to post his complaint on “Tiger Microaggressions,” which is the name of a Facebook page where Princeton students can report any microaggressions they experience on campus.

Obviously, Parton must have been really hurt, perhaps even more hurt than when people ask him to say “Cool Whip.” But because he’s a really sensitive guy, he did not “blame her one bit” for not understanding.

In fact, he said her callous response made him realize that he might have committed a microaggression against another person at some time in his life without even realizing he was doing it!

“I am afraid because microaggressions aren’t harmless — there’s research to show that they cause anxiety and binge drinking among the minority students who are targeted,” he wrote.

Parton ends his column with a plea to readers to “send me a message if I have ever hurt your feelings. I will do what I can to make it up to you.”

It is unclear whether or not he is also accepting letters from those who may have been driven to binge drinking by reading his column.

— Katherine Timpf is a reporter at National Review Online.

Most Popular

White House

Rachel Maddow’s Turnberry Tale

To a certain kind of Rachel Maddow viewer, there are few more titillating preludes to a news segment than the one she delivered Monday: “If you have not seen it yet, you are going to want to sit down.” Maddow’s story began, as many of her stories do, with President Trump, this time focused on his hotel ... Read More
White House

Politico Doubles Down on Fake Turnberry Scandal

It's tough to be an investigative reporter. Everybody who feeds you a tip has an axe to grind. Or, alternatively, you find yourself going, "I wonder if . . . ?" You put in your research, you talk to lots of people, you accumulate a huge pile of information, but you still haven't proved your hypothesis. A wise ... Read More
Elections

Thin the Herd Further, DNC

There’s an old joke often expressed well into banquets and conferences, where a speaker says, “We’re at the point where everything that needs to be said has been said, but not everyone has said it.” We’re already at that point with the Democratic primary debates. Tonight was a three-hour ordeal, and ... Read More