Culture

College Kids’ Advice for Seinfeld on Comedy

You can perform here -- stop being so ridiculous!

Hi Mr. Seinfeld,

So, we heard your comments about political correctness being so extreme on college campuses that you wouldn’t even perform on one, and honestly . . . you’re being ridiculous.

College campuses can be wonderful places to perform — as long as you follow a few basic guidelines.

First of all, don’t make the mistake of just getting up there and telling jokes right away. Instead, begin with an apology. Acknowledge that you know you don’t really deserve any of your success — that you realize you are where you are only because you’re a straight, white male and not because you’re funnier than other people or earned it through hard work. Also make sure to clarify that you are in fact not proud of Seinfeld, but so embarrassed by its lack of diversity that you have trouble sleeping at night.

After apologizing to the crowd, feel free to tell all the jokes you want! Well, not all of them.

After apologizing to the crowd, feel free to tell all the jokes you want! Well, not all of them. Like, most stuff is fine, but there are definitely certain things that are obviously off-limits — such as making fun of someone for pronouncing “Cool Whip” a certain way.

Also please watch your language. Words like “f***” and “s***” are fine, but steer clear of the more harmful stuff, such as “you guys.” We like to laugh just as much as the next group, but you can’t expect us to just sit idly by and listen to someone use the kind of male-centric language that reinforces an oppressive patriarchy as if it’s no big deal.

#related#It’s not much to ask, really. You can even feel free to do crowd work! Just ask students if they have your consent to be spoken to, ask them for their preferred pronouns (don’t make assumptions!), and then go ahead!

And if there is a joke you really want to tell, but you’re worried it might offend some people, you can still tell it. We’d just ask that you please offer a trigger warning, give any students who may feel uncomfortable ample time to leave the room, and then deliver the punch line. Don’t worry about how the waiting might affect your comedic timing — see it as an opportunity to check your privilege and ask yourself how you might become a better ally in the future. After all, the best kinds of jokes are the ones that become teachable moments.

See? We’re not that bad! If you have any further questions, feel free to tweet at us. We love using our education to enlighten other people.

Sincerely,

College Kids

Most Popular

Energy & Environment

The Climate Trap for Democrats

The more the climate debate changes, the more it stays the same. Polls show that the public is worried about climate change, but that doesn’t mean that it is any more ready to bear any burden or pay any price to combat it. If President Donald Trump claws his way to victory again in Pennsylvania and the ... Read More
Elections

Kamala Harris Runs for Queen

I’m going to let you in on a secret about the 2020 presidential contest: Unless unforeseen circumstances lead to a true wave election, the legislative stakes will be extremely low. The odds are heavily stacked against Democrats’ retaking the Senate, and that means that even if a Democrat wins the White House, ... Read More
Culture

What We’ve Learned about Jussie Smollett

It’s been a few weeks since March 26, when all charges against Jussie Smollett were dropped and the actor declared that his version of events had been proven correct. How’s that going? Smollett’s celebrity defenders have gone quiet. His publicists and lawyers are dodging reporters. The @StandwithJussie ... Read More