Culture

Getting Mad About Starbucks’s Holiday Cups Is Insane

Please stop embarrassing yourselves.

I woke up this morning to find that real, adult people are actually upset that Starbucks’s holiday cups do not mention Christ or Christmas on them — and view the absence of such language as an attack on their religion.

Yep, that’s right. The “War on Christmas” season has arrived, and Starbucks has chosen the side of the godless hedonism that is destroying our society. Don’t let the fact that it still sells a Christmas Blend, a “Merry Christmas” gift card, and an Advent calendar fool you — Starbucks is clearly The Devil’s Coffee, and you have every right to be this upset.  

That is, of course, if you are an insane person.

Look, there is no doubt that Christians face horrifying persecution around the world – especially in the Middle East, where the consequences of your faith could range from losing your children to losing your head. But please, for the love of God, notice how these scenarios are a little bit worse than having to drink your overpriced coffee out of a cup you don’t like. It’s not even like the cups are offensive. It’s not like they say, “Happy Holidays! Don’t say ‘Merry Christmas’ because God is not real, and if you believe in God you are an idiot and not welcome in our store!” They just don’t say anything . . . which is what you should consider doing if you are petty and ridiculous enough to be emotionally affected by something so insignificant.

Of course, it’s only a small fraction of conservatives who are freaking out about this — but conservatism as a whole is being mocked because of this minority. If you are part of the group that’s responsible for this embarrassment, you should be nothing short of ashamed of yourself.

#share#There is a very important election coming up next year. If you want your conservative views to be taken seriously when it really matters, please do a better job of picking your battles. If you won’t do it for the sake of our country, at least do it for the sake of Christians in the war-torn Middle East who have to worry about getting beheaded – because they would probably want to punch you in your face if they heard you whining about something so stupid.

Oh, and if you are really getting this upset about a cup, you’re probably not the kind of person whose temperament can handle caffeine to begin with. Maybe try a Xanax instead.

Most Popular

U.S.

The Inquisitor Has No Clothes

This is a column about impeachment, but first, a confession: I think I might be guilty of insider trading. At this point, I would like to assure my dear friends at the SEC that I do not mean this in any actionable legal sense, but only in principle. Some time ago, I was considering making an investment in a ... Read More