I Will Not Apologize for Making a Joke About Star Wars

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

More than a month ago, I made some jokes about Star Wars on Red Eye, a satirical political comedy show that airs at 3 a.m., and it has resulted in me being verbally abused and told to die by a mob of enraged fans for the past four days now. 

The capital-offense comments were:

“I have never had any interest in watching space nerds poke each other with their little space nerd sticks, and I’m not going to start now.”


“Yesterday I tweeted something, and all I said was that I wasn’t  familiar with Star Wars because I’ve been too busy liking cool things and being attractive.”

Now, I received a few death threats right after I posted the aforementioned tweet — which, by the way, was why I was saying Star Wars fans were “crazy” in the first place. Overall, though, it wasn’t a big deal, and I kind of forgot about it.  

Then, this week, one Star Wars super-super-super fan who calls himself “AlphaOmegaSin” made a ten-minute (!) video brutally ripping me apart. 

The YouTube comments on his manifesto were even better. You know, stuff like: 

justin 12 hours ago

Maybe a SW nerd needs to sneak into her dark room, dressed like her bf, rape her, but she doesn’t know it’s rape because she thinks it’s her BF.

needmypunk 16 hours ago

I hope she gets acid thrown in her pretty little face.

sdgaara2 1 day ago

Wouldn’t it be great if she was beaten to death with “space nerd sticks”

Guardian978 22 hours ago

I want to cut that blonde c***’s face off and stick it to a thermal detonator. What a network full of c***s.

dethklok21 1 day ago

Wow what a f***ing thunder c***. I hope this b**** gets hit by a f***ing car.

Mikki Yeong 1 day ago

those death treaths are approved by me look at that b**** it’s a typical i wear big glasses to look smart but in fact i’m stupid as f*** btwthose glasses used to be only weared by nerds stupid  h**

TheValefor1984 1 day ago

We should get her address then bury her a** in Star Wars memorabilia lol

TheGreenStreak452 1 day ago

I just want to burn Fox News to the ground and all their stupid employees.

[Asterisks not in the original.]

To be fair, AlphaOmegaSin did say that he denounced threats on my life because “Just because you’re a f***ing idiot doesn’t mean that you should have to die.” 

How sweet of him! What was less sweet was that his saying I should be allowed to live was the one thing about his video that offended some of the fans:

alucard2893 1 day ago

I disagree, if you are that much of an idiot, you DO deserve to die.

And it wasn’t just the YouTube comments. I also received some pretty nice tweets and e-mails that said things ranging from calls for me to be anally violated with a lightsaber to accusations that I was clearly re-living my days as a “mean girl” in high school — despite the fact that, if I were reliving high school, what I’d actually be doing is wearing Hot Topic pants, cutting my hair into a weird side-bang mullet, going to mock trial practice and crying any time I got a “B” on a test. 

#share#A lot of people are clearly a lot of upset. But guess what? I’m not apologizing. Why? Because the all-too-common knee-jerk reaction of apologizing for harmless jokes after overblown hysteria is ruining our culture. This political-correctness obsession threatens free speech, and I absolutely refuse to be a part of it. 

RELATED: The Twitterverse Strikes Back against the Phantom Menace of Anti-Star Wars Racists!

My comments were clearly jokes, but somehow, AlphaOmegaSin did not get that. In fact, his mini-movie even included a slideshow of hot girls in Star Wars T-shirts to “debunk” my claim that all Star Wars fans were ugly. Yes, he was that certain I was serious. 

I’m sick of oversensitive mobs in our overly sensitive society bullying people into saying that they’re sorry over jokes.

I mean, really? Let’s think about it logically here: I was either saying that I actually believe every single one of the tens of millions of Star Wars fans out there are ugly — or I was making a joke. Even if my intent wasn’t obvious from that, the fact that Red Eye is a satirical talk show should have been a crucial clue. I was clearly playing a character, and anyone who would have bothered to google the show before saying I should be raped would have realized that. 

Obviously, the totally insane whackjobs who have been attacking me don’t represent most Star Wars fans. But the fact that so many adults have responded with so much unhinged emotion astounds me. After all, I have a cat, and would never have reacted this way to someone making a joke based on the stereotypes about cat ladies being crazy and lonely or whatever. You know what I would have done? Absolutely nothing. Because I have a life, and seriously, who cares

#related#Bottom line: If you are telling me that I should die and/or apologize for making a joke about a movie you like, then you are too sensitive. You have the problem, not me. 

I’m sick of oversensitive mobs in our overly sensitive society bullying people into saying that they’re sorry over jokes — even if the subject of the joke is something as serious as Star Wars. So, for that reason, I will not apologize . 

Also, I just don’t have time. After all, I am too busy liking cool things and being attractive. 

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