According to a piece in the feminist blog Bustle, the tradition of men proposing women is “problematic” because it “perpetuates rape culture.”
Yes — not “problematic” because it perpetuates recklessly emotional social media posts, but because it “perpetuates rape culture.”
“The stereotype that men must get women to date them or marry them or sleep with them and that it’s up to women to respond can be problematic — not just because it discourages women from going after what they want, but also because it encourages men to pursue what they want at a woman’s expense,” Suzannah Weiss writes in a piece titled “6 Marriage Traditions That Reinforce Rape Culture.”
“Putting what men pursue over what women want perpetuates rape culture,” she continues.
Uh. First of all, by saying “date them or marry them or sleep with them,” Weiss is putting propositions for sex in the same category as marriage proposals. FYI: A man asking you for sex is not the same thing as him asking you to spend the rest of your life with him, and if you can’t understand that, then you have some pretty disappointing mornings awaitng you in your future.
Second of all, “pursue what they want at a woman’s expense”? “Putting what men pursue over what women want”?
#share#How the hell does this even make sense? Is Weiss under the impression that dudes propose by saying, “Marry me, or else!” or “I want to marry you. Say yes, or you’ll never see the cat again!”? Because as far as I know, it’s usually something more like “Will you marry me?” and it costs the woman literally nothing to say no. Sure, it might be a little awkward (I saw it happen once when a dude proposed to his girlfriend at the dry cleaners), but to suggest that any woman who wanted to say no would even consider doing anything else — and instead suffer through an entire life with someone she didn’t like that much because she was too scared and weak to stand up for herself — is the most insultingly anti-feminist thing I’ve ever heard.
Among the other rape-y marital traditions (according to Weiss): the bride’s wearing a white dress (because “it is supposed to symbolize purity”) and “putting more focus on the bride’s looks than the groom’s,” which means she might not like my plan to throw people out of my wedding if they dare to even think of looking at anyone else but me.
#related#But maybe not. After all, Weiss does acknowledge that “you should be able to do whatever you want on your wedding day” as long as “you are aware of the problematic sources of certain traditions.”
In sum: do what you want — so long as you remember to feel kind of bad about it first.
Weiss sounds fun. I don’t know if I’ll ever get married, but if I do, she’s definitely the kind of gal I’d want planning the bachelorette party!
Oh, and one more thing: There’s absolutely nothing more repulsive to me than the thought of a man who would even consider me proposing to him as an option. And, “problematic” or not, I assure you that most women would completely agree.
