So, you’re a conservative intellectual who’s just decamped to the land of the Magyars. Here’s a useful glossary to help you get settled.
So, you’re a conservative intellectual who’s just decamped to the land of the Magyars. Here’s a useful glossary to help you get settled.
D ear friend,
Like Chateaubriand fleeing revolutionary terror for London, you have escaped the perversions of Joe Biden’s America for Viktor Orbán’s Budapest, a beacon of tradition, culture, and sound conservative governance on the banks of the Danube. Unfortunately, your travails are not over, at least not yet. Before you can get back to the important business of writing about Catholic Integralism or why the Anti-Federalists are the true heroes of the American Founding, you must first immerse yourself in the strange world of the Magyars, whose impenetrable language and bizarre cultural practices have baffled outsiders for centuries. But fear not! To ease this daunting transition, your faithful correspondent has produced a glossary of key Hungarian terms. Sok szerencsét!
1956 — The year of the famous Hungarian uprising against the Soviet Union, a foundational event in modern Hungarian history. Given Hungary’s reliance on Russian natural-gas imports and nuclear technology, you should downplay Russian involvement when discussing ’56.
Attila — A name common among Hungarian men that harkens back to the country’s mythical connection to the Huns. Avoid mentioning the fact that it also conjures up visions of raping and pillaging to any non-Hungarian.
Balaton — Having been cut off from the sea by a misbegotten post-World War I treaty (see “Trianon,” below), most Hungarians holiday at Balaton, a scenic lake in western Hungary. Should you do the same, stick to the northern side of the lake, which is famous for its wine and is the most impeccably groomed region in the Hungarian countryside (see “Rural Hungary,” below).
Baszd meg! (pronounced “Bah-szd meg”) — Perhaps the most common Hungarian curse, roughly equivalent to “f***” in English. Hungarians pride themselves on their fluency and creativity with bad language. They also have a unique understanding of when it is appropriate to swear (any time, basically). Don’t be offended when this enthusiasm for cursing carries over into your English-language conversations with them.
Budapest — A hotbed of leftist perversion run by a university professor-turned-mayor. Also, the jewel of the Hungarian nation and a center of European culture and industry.
Brussels — Headquarters of the Archenemy (see “European Union,” below). Should be spoken of in the same dismissive tone you would use when referencing “Washington” among fellow patriots back home.
Café Scruton — Named for the late British philosopher Sir Roger Scruton, these two government-subsidized cafés are supposed to be centers for conservative thought in Budapest. In practice, this means that the wait staff wear t-shirts with Scruton quotes, and the bookshelves are stocked with biographies of Ronald Reagan and Lee Kuan Yew. Try not to bore fellow café-goers with political talk — they are either tourists looking for a decent cappuccino or affluent locals who prefer to manage their software-development businesses and Airbnb-rental side hustles remotely.
Central Europe — Hungary’s geographic location and cultural affiliation for the past thousand years. Not to be confused with “Eastern Europe,” which is the domain of Romanians, Ukrainians, and other quasi-Asiatic races.
Churches — An ideal venue for dramatic photos. You needn’t worry about attending Sunday services, because the Hungarians certainly don’t.
Corvinus, Mathias — A powerful medieval king under whose aegis Hungary reached the apex of its political and cultural influence. King Mathias’s face now adorns the thousand-forint note, where it bears a strange resemblance to Prime Minister Viktor Orbán’s face. He is also the namesake of the Mathias Corvinus Collegium, an elite program within Corvinus University (the Harvard of Budapest — or is Harvard the Corvinus of Cambridge, Mass.?) that trains the next generation of conservative thinkers.
European Union — The Archenemy, an institution dedicated to destroying the unique cultural and historical heritage of its member states through mass migration, centralization, and bureaucratic interference. Also, an organization that is morally and politically obligated to release the billions in subsidies it is withholding from the Hungarian people.
Fidesz — Hungary’s ruling conservative party, which began as an association of young anti-Soviet dissidents before transforming into a center-right political movement. It now draws much of its strength from poorer, rural areas and is almost universally despised in liberal Budapest. When discussing politics among Hungarians, thoughtfully suggest that the Fidesz coalition anticipates the direction of Western conservatism more broadly. This will make you sound smart and reinforce your audience’s (often delusional) sense of Hungary’s international importance.
-gy — An unruly Hungarian consonant whose sound is somewhere between an English “J” and the first syllable in “during.” Commonly appears in Hungarian words like “nagy” (big), place names like “Gyöngyös,” and personal names like “Gyuri” and “Gyöngyvér.” Your well-meaning but inevitably mangled attempt to form this sound will mark you as a foreigner as surely as your abstention from hard liquor before 5 p.m. on a weekday (see “Pálinka,” below).
Gypsies — A common but un-PC term for the Roma people, the only significant minority in Hungary and a persistent source of ethnic tension, especially in rural areas. Feed a Hungarian liberal a few drinks (see “Pálinka,” below) and he’ll soon be telling you that Prime Minister Orbán is actually a gypsy, which explains his corrupt, thieving ways.
I — A letter the Hungarians find impossible to pronounce in English names. If you have the misfortune to be named Will, Jill, or Phil, you must resign yourself to being called “Wheel,” “Jeel,” or “Feel” for the duration of your stay.
“I’ve been meaning to take language lessons” — Your stock response whenever a local asks you how your Hungarian is progressing. Demonstrates an interest in the language without committing you to actually studying anything.
Kárpátalja (pronounced “car-paht-ai-ya”) — The historical region of Greater Hungary now occupied by Ukraine, whose government has repeatedly trampled on the language and culture of its Hungarian citizens (see “Trianon,” below). One reason many Hungarians are decidedly less sympathetic to President Zelensky’s government than their EU counterparts (see “Poland,” below).
“Komoly kapcsolatot keresek” (pronounced . . . oh, who gives a damn?) — “I’m looking for a real relationship.” If you see this line on any dating apps, you have found someone who is real tradwife material. Swipe accordingly.
“Köszönöm Szépen” (pronounced “Kuh-suh-num say-pen”) — “Thank you kindly” in Hungarian. Almost certain to be the only words of this baffling language you will learn. After the waiter answers all your questions in perfect English, tack this on at the end of the conversation to demonstrate your cultural fluency.
Magyar (pronounced “Mah-jyar”) — The historical name for the Hungarian people and their incomprehensible language, which is completely unrelated to any other European language except Finnish. In casual conversation, be sure to reference “Magyarország” instead of “Hungary” and “Magyars” instead of “Hungarians.” Just avoid saying “Mag-yars” (see “-gy,” above).
Magyarázni (pronounced “Mah-jyar-rahz-knee”) — Literally, “to Magyarize.” The Hungarian word for “explain,” which tells you all you need to know about the Hungarian relationship with the outside world.
Orbán, Viktor — When discussing the Hungarian prime minister with foreigners or Budapesters, hedge your bets by saying that Orbán is a “provocateur” who sometimes exhibits “authoritarian tendencies.” When discussing Orbán with fellow patriots, feel free to make clear that the Hungarian prime minister is the conservative hero of our age and a vital bulwark against the Archenemy (see “Brussels,” above).
Pálinka (pronounced “Paah-leenk-ah,” not “Puh-link-uh,” you tourist) — A variety of local rotgut the Hungarians have the temerity to call brandy. The best stuff is almost always brewed by somebody’s cousin’s uncle in the Hungarian countryside and distributed in old Coke bottles. If a local asks for your favorite flavor, nod knowingly and pick something unexpected like quince or walnut, but be sure to add, “only if it’s homemade.” And be warned: When the pálinka comes out, you’ll need plenty of Advil the next morning.
Poland — “Lengyel, magyar – két jó barát” (“Pole, Hungarian — two good friends”) is a common Hungarian saying. This historic friendship, which dates back to the Middle Ages, should be referenced whenever you’re discussing nationalist and conservative opposition to the Archenemy (see “Brussels,” above). Avoid mentioning any recent bilateral disagreements over the Russian invasion of Ukraine.
Romania — A nation of squatters who have unjustly occupied Hungarian territory for the past hundred years (see “Transylvania” and “Trianon,” below).
Rural Hungary — The bedrock of Viktor Orbán’s political coalition and the enduring strength of the Hungarian nation. To be avoided at all costs unless you’re taking a carefully planned trip to certain desirable locations outside Budapest (see “Balaton,” above).
Strajk (pronounced “strike”) — A recent temper tantrum thrown by teachers, students, and other left-wing troublemakers over educators’ already excessive salaries. Also, a predictable result of the Archenemy’s refusal to release the financial subsidies it is withholding from the Hungarian people, who deserve to be paid a living wage (see “European Union,” above).
Slovakia — Another name for Northern Hungary.
Szent István (aka “Saint Stephen,” although you are advised to stick to the Magyar form of this iconic name) — The medieval king who converted Hungary to Christianity and the patron saint of the Hungarian nation. Over the years, Istvan has gradually transformed from a religious figure into the leading light of Hungary’s secular national pantheon. Istvan cleverly chose the Roman Catholic Church over its Eastern Orthodox rival, thus securing Hungary’s place as a member of the West (see “Central Europe,” above) and mercifully sparing outsiders the prospect of deciphering Hungarian words in Cyrillic script.
Soros, György (aka “George Soros”) — A Hungarian-born financier and leading ally of the Archenemy (see “European Union,” above) and its globalist agenda. When an American liberal starts to tell you that Soros is a right-wing bogeyman whose political influence is exaggerated, roll your eyes extravagantly and then ask them how they feel about the Koch Brothers.
Transylvania — Don’t mention the bloody vampires. Now located deep in Romanian territory, this region has longstanding cultural and historical links to Hungary. It was severed from the mother country after World War I (see “Trianon,” below), but is still home to a large and occasionally restive Hungarian minority. It’s a good bet that at least a few of your Hungarian acquaintances have friends or relatives from Transylvania.
Trianon, Treaty of — According to the Magyars, the greatest tragedy of the 20th century. This post–World War I treaty, which deprived Hungary of territory in what is now Croatia, Romania, Serbia, Slovakia, Slovenia, and Ukraine, should always be discussed in a tone of voice that suggests a barely suppressed wail (see “Kárpátalja,” “Slovakia,” and “Transylvania,” above). Bumper stickers, posters, and even tattoos with a map of Hungary’s pre-Trianon borders are a common sight wherever Magyars congregate.
“West, The” — The primary vector of the perversions undermining traditional Hungarian society. Also, the cultural inheritance conservative Hungary is committed to preserving.
Wilson, Woodrow — The architect of the post–World War I settlement that deprived Hungary of about half of its historic territory (see “Trianon,” above). Complaining about Woodrow Wilson is a quick and easy way to bond with Hungarian conservatives. Nod along sympathetically as they moan about the Treaty of Trianon, and they will return the favor when you start railing against Wilson as the architect of modern progressivism and the administrative state. This conversation is best facilitated by plenty of alcohol.
Wine — Cheap, plentiful, and largely overlooked outside Eastern Europe, Hungarian wine is consistently excellent. You can flatter the Magyars’ sensibilities by correctly noting the excellence of their local vintages. Balaton and Eger are two wine-producing regions worth visiting (see “Rural Hungary,” above).