Surely, You Joust: Medieval Times Workers Go on Strike

A storm’s a-brewing in the stables and alchemy labs of Medieval Times, the feudal-themed eatery that promises the spectacle of martial combat while one wolfs down ribs and quaffs a healthy measure of beer as a petty lord should.

With locations in many of America’s largest cities, Medieval Times is dealing with a strike in the aftermath of unionization in Buena Park, Calif., its second location to organize, following the example of a sister establishment in New Jersey. Union members at the two sites are represented by the American Guild of Variety Artists (AGVA) — an organization affiliated with the AFL-CIO that represents Disneyland performers.

Stephanie Breijo writes for the LA Times:

The strike, which began Saturday, was spurred by a series of unsuccessful wage negotiations in addition to the deletion of hundreds of supposedly pro-union comments on social media and an October lawsuit that alleged trademark infringement on the union’s part. In December the Buena Park performers — who voted to unionize in November — said they learned many of their counterparts throughout the country would be given sizable raises in 2023, while their own requests for hourly wage increases were going, in some cases, entirely ignored.

I’m generally skeptical of the need for unionization. Those with the job of performative knighthood, which requires working with fickle and mighty beasts such as horses — all while wearing heavy gear and engaging in combat — would seem to justly benefit from union involvement in securing ironclad health and disability coverage. But what makes sense for knights — the most skilled actors and the most vital to a show that costs as much as it does for a family of four to attend — simply does not for many of their colleagues.

For instance, the most amusing paragraph concerns the suspect plight of trumpeters:

The refusal to acknowledge trumpet players — a role that pays $16 hourly — is especially galling to the union’s organizers. Lizbeth Figueroa has been playing for eight years and currently makes just above minimum wage. “They can’t really pick anyone off the street to do my job,” she said. “I don’t think the company sees that. They make it seem as though we’re replaceable when we’re really not.”

Trumpeters are replaceable. The local high school has about 30 of them, most of whom are currently employed shooting spitballs at the woodwinds section. Twenty bucks and a Red Bull, and there’d be 29 volunteering to join (source: the author, a former trumpet player). The union is demanding an across-the-board increase to wages so that the new “minimum wage” matches Orange County’s “living-wage” minimum — a creation of Amy K. Glasmeier, an economics professor at MIT.

Two items of note here.

One, the calls for increasing the minimum wage will never end. California’s minimum-wage jump from $7.25 to $15 per hour was already ludicrous, and now there’s talk of adhering to the arbitrary calculations of a tenured professor who enjoys the contributions of research assistants who make under $40,000.

Second, if prices for a family of four to attend Medieval Times are already starting at $232.60, what king’s ransom would the price of entry be if the concessions attendants, heralds, and waitstaff were all making “living wage” for temporary jobs best filled by college students? Armorers and cutlers had guilds; barmaids and jesters did not. For an enterprise such as Medieval Times, staff already account for a hearty chunk of the operating expenses. To double or treble the figure would be disastrous. Will no one think of the king, especially in this economy?

However, I may change my lute’s tune if the union were to write something Westminsterian like the following:

Colectiv de MedTimes, the illustrious earls of Cali and Jersey, and the barons, having assembled their forces from all quarters, and collected troops, both of the Los Angelenos, whose army has increased to fifteen thousand folx, and of folx from other parts in countless numbers, marched thither with great impetuosity and courage. Accordingly, they encamped at Flexhinge, in Sacramento, which is about four hundred miles north, and three days before the battle, they addressed a message of the following tenor to their lord the king and CEO —

“To the most excellent lord Kenneth Kim, by the grace Of God, king of MedTimes, &c. The barons and others, his faithful subjects, wishing to observe their oaths and the fidelity due to God and to him, wish health, and tender their lawful service with all respect and honor. As it is plain from much experience that those who are present with you have suggested to your highness many falsehoods respecting us, intending all the mischief that they can do, not only to you but also to us, and to your whole kingdom, we wish your excellency to know that we wish to preserve the safety and security of your person with all our might, as the fidelity which we owe to you demands, proposing to increase the wages of our guild members for the benefit of the kingdom’s continued health and prosperity. For we are not the foes of the whole of your kingdom; and if any other statement is made to you respecting these matters, do not believe it; for we shall always be found your faithful subjects. And we, Colectiv de MedTimes, earls of Cali and Jersey, and Figueroa de Trumpet, at the request of the rest, have, for us and for them too who are here present, affixed our seals.”