We are awash in guilt about our failure to optimize. But that’s just another impediment to perfection we must conquer — today!
We are awash in guilt about our failure to optimize. But that’s just another impediment to perfection we must conquer — today!
D o you have the perfect morning routine? Atomic habits for a lifetime of happiness? Set out water the night before, put a squeeze of lemon in it. Make sure you get ten minutes of sunshine in your eyes. Don’t look at your phone. Try journaling! Studies say those who reflect on what’s going right for them live longer. Hit the gym, but not too hard. Don’t drink coffee too early; your cortisol is already naturally spiking. And don’t drink coffee too late, because it will ruin your sleep, and the perfect morning routine begins the night before. And the night before begins at 2 p.m., when you should stop drinking coffee!
How’s your health? Have you tried intermittent fasting? Prolonged water fasting. Sardine fasting (nothing but sardines), olive oil fasting. Have you tried to mimic famine conditions for mental clarity and ketosis? Nothing will make you healthier faster. Except maybe dry fasting, which mimics starvation and dehydration. Mimics isn’t the right word. “Is” is. You won’t believe how your body will transform fat into water to survive — but be careful because it can kill you. Indian clubs, Persian meels, Russian kettlebells. Are you using a mace for workouts or dumbbells, like an idiot? You need an accountability partner, not in real life. Over the app, for a few. Have you tried sauna? Cold plunging, cold showers? Do you have an Oura ring, a Whoop, a Fitbit? Are you tracking your sleep? How much sleep debt have you accumulated? Did you know 8,000 steps is the new 10,000 steps? A paper confirmed it. But have you ever thought of 20,000 steps?
Do you have a boss? Dress like him. Do you have a boss mindset? Charisma on command? Build a business, build an empire, start it as a side hustle. Have you replaced yourself yet? If not, you’re just making yourself another job.
You’re going to fall to the average of the five people you hang out with most of the time. Make sure they are billionaires and not, like, unemployed children, even if they’re your own. You should be thinking about retirement, by 35. You’re over 35?
You haven’t built a “second brain” yet? Do you even have a digital task manager? It could be an app, or a really cheap Indian guy on Taskrabbit. But the second brain is the thing. Train your AI on your notetaking app and make it write more notes in your voice. Your second brain just got bigger; you can go searching for it. So long as you maintain the subscription and the encryption on it, it should be safe. Your brain wasn’t for holding ideas, it was for having them. Have some more.
Maybe hustle culture isn’t for you. Have you tried selling almost everything you own? Digital nomad life? Tiny house? Mobile house? Or at least a domicile that, architecturally, was supposed to be a steel barn or shipping container. Grow your own food. Find non-GMO seeds. Anyone can learn aquaponics: Grow your own food while breeding your own high-fat fish, from which you could fast. If you’re going to be a minimalist, you need to be a One Bag Guy, but it has to be the right bag. Here are 300 gear review videos of the latest bags for One Bag Guys.
Have you tried being Asian? Not literally but as a flattering archetype? An Asian Boss mindset. Asian minimalism. Asian high-fat diet. Diets high in fatty fish, non-inflammatory rice. Decorate your room according to Chinese feng shui, or the Japanese wabi-sabi. Buy a Fuji camera. Girls like photographers. Asian people do all the stuff you might do, but faster, smaller, and in a more picturesque way. It might have something to do with the typical Asian morning routine.
Stop doomscrolling. Optimize, Joe Roganize, and Unf*** Yourself. You’re only 17,500 steps, One Bag, and six days of nonstop sardine eating from being the most charismatic minimalist boss in the room.