BREAKING: More Terrible Polling News For Romney

From wire reports. A new Media Polling Assn. survey shows President Obama leading Mitt Romney 73–26, with 1 percent undecided. The new poll highlights the challenges for the former governor as the candidates prepare for next week’s first presidential debate, seen by most experts as irrelevant.

“This poll is in line with most recent polls showing the futility of the Romney campaign,” pollster Val Jarrett said.

The survey demonstrates that there are not enough undecided voters for Romney to close the gap between now and November. Indeed, when contacted by phone, alleged “undecided” voter Jeff Spicoli, a recent college graduate, said, ” Whoa, I thought the pollster dude asked me how I planned to support myself, not who I planned to support. So I was like, ‘Dude, I’m undecided. It’s either my parents or my girlfriend.’ But, hey, for president, I’m for that dude on The View.”

An Obama campaign spokesperson, however, speaking on condition of anonymity, expressed skepticism that Romney was pulling only 26 percent of the vote. “No doubt the race is much tighter. Our internal polling shows that there are a lot more racists in this country, so Romney’s probably closer to 35–36 percent. We urge our supporters to stay energized.”

Contacted for reaction, Mitt Romney merely slapped his forehead, a move widely seen by most experts as code for, “I cause cancer and throw people out of work.”

The poll was conducted between September 24–September 26 among a random sample of 983 likely voters located at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. The poll’s margin of error is plus or minus 1 percent.

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