Christmas Gifts for People Who Pay More Attention to Politics than Might Be Good for Them

So maybe it’s a little late. But it’s always the perfect time to start thinking about what to buy the would-be Karl Rove/Davd Axelrod/Todd Palin in your life. Here’s some inspiration. You’re welcome in advance.

1. Ron Paul Christmas Tree Ornament

It’s too bad they don’t have a bulk discount on these suckers, because I have trouble thinking of anyone whose Christmas wouldn’t be brightened by the perennial presidential candidate on a sled. Plus, they’re only eight bucks. What??

2. Adult footie pajamas

From one who knows: Don’t knock ’em til you try ’em.

3. Condoleezza Rice graphic novel

The comic-book-loving neocons in your life are going to think you hate them unless you buy them this.

4. George W. Bush Christmas-Tree Ornament

Need a gift that clocks in at less than 30 bucks for your favorite Dubya fan? Mission accomplished.

5. Political Voodoo Dolls

Okay, maybe these are in poor taste. Very poor taste. But I think they could be fun even for fans of Glenn Beck, Scott Walker, and Mitt Romney! Dolls are fun! What if you got them signed? Just spitballing here.

6. “Pot” Holders, hardy har har

 

These make an elegant gift because even if you realize too late in the game that the recipient doesn’t actually smoke weed, nobody doesn’t need potholders.

7. Tasteful ”John Boehner Meets Extraterrestrials” Painting  

I’m not completely sure what this is supposed to be about, but the description says it’s the Speaker of the House meeting with aliens. Sneaky aliens, they look just like humans! Typical. There’s only one (1) of these suckers left, so trust your impulses and go for it. Plus how many times can you be a patron of the arts for less than three figures? (Answer: Not very many times.)

8. 102nd Congress Cookbook

Ah, 1991 — simpler days! George H. W. Bush was president, Twitter didn’t exist, and some of the younger folk you talk to in bars weren’t even born yet. To cap off that magical year (at least, magical as I recall), some good souls put together a cookbook of recipes from members of Congress. I’ve tried to find similar cookbooks for the other sessions of Congress (journalism!), but with no luck. Maybe I’m not googling hard enough. Regardless, there are a whopping 295 recipes in here, including Barbara Mikulski’s Imperial Crab, Mitch McConnell’s Hoppin John [sic], and Tom DeLay’s Green Chili Enchiladas. You’ll never need another cookbook, probably, and it would also make a very elegant hostess gift.

9. Princess Leia American Girl Doll Hat/Wig/Head-Thing

The worst news to come out of 2013, by far, was that Disney is making a new Star Wars movie. So if your political-junkie-ship extends to a galaxy far, far away and also if you like American Girl Dolls (meaning if you were a lot like me circa 1996), you’ll probably just want to keep this awesome gift for yourself. It’s okay to sometimes tell people you’re on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan. It’s fun.

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