On Getting Rescued by George Zimmerman

In today’s Morning Jolt, Brother Geraghty describes what someone about to be rescued from a car accident by George Zimmerman must think:

“Man, I must have a terrible concussion, it looks like George Zimmerman is coming to rescue me . . . Wait, it really is him. Uh, sir? Mr. Zimmerman? I appreciate you trying to pull me from this wreckage, but honestly, if you rescue me, my whole life is going to turn into this racially charged, controversial media maelstrom, and honestly, I’d rather take my chances with the leaking gasoline around my legs . . . Honestly, there’s a 50-50 chance Al Sharpton and a bunch of Hollywood celebrities will denounce me if I say nice things about you, and Spike Lee will either tweet out my home address or the home address of somebody else, and either way this will lead to some folks rioting as if their favorite team had just won a sports championship, so . . . I’m just going to keep this shard of glass in my midsection and hope the jaws of life get here pretty soon.”

If you don’t already get the Jolt, sign up here.

Rich Lowry — Rich Lowry is the editor of National Review. He can be reached via email: comments.lowry@nationalreview.com. 

Most Popular

U.S.

Fire the FBI Chief

American government is supposed to look and sound like George Washington. What it actually looks and sounds like is Henry Hill from Goodfellas: bad suit, hand out, intoning the eternal mantra: “F*** you, pay me.” American government mostly works by interposition, standing between us, the free people at ... Read More
Film & TV

Black Panther’s Circle of Hype

The Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) first infantilizes its audience, then banalizes it, and, finally, controls it through marketing. This commercial strategy, geared toward adolescents of all ages, resembles the Democratic party’s political manipulation of black Americans, targeting that audience through its ... Read More