Greetings and welcome to this slightly dazed 114th performance of the Carnival of Fools! All the other performers here are still a bit punch-drunk after last week’s elections — some of them, like me, and hapless carpetbagging MAGA avatar Lauren Boebert, got hit so hard they’ve gone down to surprise retirements — so don’t be too terribly surprised if the band takes a few weeks off later this holiday season. We’re honestly a bit tired of fortune-telling, for nothing matters, even theatrics, between now and January.
And even in our worst, doomiest expectations, we wouldn’t have flipped down the “Republicans lose South Carolina and Mississippi” tarot cards had we even dealt them out of our stack. (We carny folk typically know which way our bread is buttered, and also know how to play off the worst: “Oh, the Death card” . . . well, erm, that means “death of old ways” and not, say, “You’re gonna die, and in an obvious and ironically godawful way, soon.”)
Anyway, it was “Reapers down” for the GOP last week, and now we get to stew in it. And that’s what performers like me know and love. For in every death there is an inevitable (if unpleasant, and abortive) rebirth. After losing Kansas, South Carolina, and seemingly Mississippi in the Senate last week, MAGA is dead, its purpose-driven head caved in with all the certainty of a Romero-like shotgun blast. But the headless zombie husk shambles ever pitilessly onward! Long live MAGA, I guess, at least in its immediately toxic undead form. There are two more years left of the Trump administration, and we’ll all find out who’s to blame when the man comes around. Certainly it wasn’t the Man, himself!
Armless, Legless Trump Sits Down with CBS, Claims ‘Tis but a Scratch’
Ah, the Black Knight. You all remember the Black Knight gag from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, right? There our fearsome, hacked-apart, newly limbless villain sits, planted helplessly on the ground after a fight in which he was hopelessly outmatched, insisting stubbornly that it was a draw at best. In a way that is also the tragedy of Donald Trump, a man who after all is our president for the next two years: His determination to ram through walls by sheer force of will is matched only by his refusal to admit that the voters intended his richly deserved electoral gelding.
And with that — and in lieu of deeper thoughts this week — I commend to you the extended version of the interview Trump gave to former NR contributor (and now CBS Dreadlord Interrogator) Ross Douthat at 60 Minutes in this post-beatdown assessment: no edits, with all of the bloviating and backfilling excuse-mongering left in (lest a lawsuit arise!).
You will be surprised to discover that the blame for this uniquely presidential-driven shellacking is everybody else’s fault but his: “Well No. 1, I was not on the ballot . . . and I think if I was on the ballot it would’ve been a much different situation, because you saw the level of popularity and love — there was love; we had massive rallies. You had to transfer those voters, however, to candidates that they didn’t like.”
None but the most devoted chumps may have time for a near-hour’s worth of this, but that’s what hyperlinks are for. You can also sit through it to witness such mush-mouthed nonsense as Trump blaming Israel for his own benighted decision-making, and cutting himself up into legislative ribbons preemptively: Those disappointed with his position on deporting illegals will be pleased to hear our “border first” president tuck his tail beneath his well-spanked tuchus and announce his willingness to cut a deal — any deal, please! — with the incoming Democratic House and Senate on immigration. All the better to avoid another impeachment hearing before that triumphal arch gets built.
Stephen Miller Is the Real Story
Meanwhile the real story is to be told in the retirement of Chief of Staff Susie Wiles — about which more must be said later — and her replacement with Stephen Miller. I know not whether Andy McCarthy is correct and this is just a mere strategic move to place Miller beyond the reach of Democratic subpoenas in the subsequent Congress; either way, putting Miller into place as the White House chief of staff kills two birds with one stone, insulating Trump’s Brain from being picked apart by hostile Democratic oversight while also uniting his brain with his boss’s: Now, truly, with no elections left to run, and no allies left to please, we will witness the junction of two hearts in true waltz time.
Until next week.