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A Statement from President Biden on the 230th Anniversary of the Bill of Rights

The Bill of Rights (Wikimedia Commons )

A follow-up to yesterday’s address on gun violence.

Look, fat. Those who say the blood of patriots, y’know — and all the stuff about how we’re going to have to move against the government. Well, the tree of liberty is not watered with the blood of patriots. What’s happened is, that there never been, if you wanted, you think you need to have weapons to take on the government, you need F-15s and maybe some nuclear weapons.

Folks, it’s not just the guns. The First Amendment. They say a newspaper or TV station can swing opinion or your church might do the thing. But they’re no match for 50 pounds of C-4. What’s the editor going to do? Fight fire with words? I’m a Catholic, but you can’t, you just can’t. It’s too hot.

They say they can assemble outside to petition the government for a dress, of grievances. “It’s worked before!” Yeah, back in the time with the thing. But, look, it moves on. Homemade signs and rhyming chants aren’t much good against Napalm. You shout, “What do we want?!” and all that. You get burned all over. Doesn’t work.

Well, they have to deal with the . . . look, the Third Amendment. “No Soldier shall, in time of quartered, be peaceful in any house” — I’m married to a teacher. Sounds good, right? Yeah, until that soldier shoots you in the face while you’re reading it to him. Same goes for the next one — the Fourth of July. “Unreasonable searches and seizure?” Define that. You try that stuff, the Biden administration will put a live grenade in your mouth.

I was a lawyer. I have a high IQ, unlike you clowns. The Fifth, Sixth, and Seventh Amendments! You’re all acting like we just discovered this yesterday. They’re useful checks. Right? Yeah, ‘til we burn down the courtroom with you inside. You think you have a right not to testify against yourself? You won’t when we attach you to a car battery.

Look, you three-faced goat-minder. There’s the, what it is, the Ninth and Tenth Amendment. “The enumeration in the Constitution, of the things, shall not be denied to construe others retained by the people who are disparaged” is the Ninth Circuit. “The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution” — great line, by the way — “nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.” That’s the Tenth. Good luck with those. I have 3,800 active nuclear warheads. Wyoming has a police department. If we were in high school, I’d take them behind the gym. See that big cloud rising over Cheyenne? That’s your federalism, buddy.


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