Enough already with the pot and the filibusters and the stem cells. It’s time to talk about America’s true obsession: “American Idol.” There are four warblers left. There’s Bo, who sounds like Bob Seger and looks like a guy who runs a waterbed store. There’s Carrie, who sounds like Tricia Yearwood and looks like an Oklahoma sorority girl, which she is. There’s Vonzell, who sounds like Alicia Keys played at the wrong speed and looks like Naomi Campbell if Naomi Campbell were stretched on a Torture Rack. And there’s Anthony, who sounds like a guy who sings amazingly well for somebody who had a tracheotomy, which he did, and looks like a midget Ken doll.
There’s no doubt the winner will either be Carrie or Bo. Millions upon millions of Americans will make the choice by calling one or another phone number. Bet on Carrie, because Bo was busted for cocaine possession once.
OK, now you can get back to the serious junk.