Wilmington, Del., January 22, 2023 — Classified documents from Joe Biden’s time as vice president were discovered in a popular Wilmington, Del., ice-cream shop this afternoon.
In an unusual series of events, a patron thought he had left his sunglasses, and when an employee rummaged through the lost-and-found bin kept in the supply closet, she discovered at the very bottom several documents marked TOP SECRET//SCI.
The shop, Sweet Lucille’s on Union St., notified local authorities who told the FBI of the discovery.
The White House issued a statement confirming that Biden has indeed frequented the shop over the years, but said the president has no recollection of ever taking or leaving sensitive materials there and that he takes the handling of classified documents very seriously.
Republicans seemed prepared to pounce on the latest discovery.
Bob Bauer, Biden’s personal attorney, minimized the security threat, arguing that the supply closet was occasionally locked at night and the only people who had access to it were a constantly rotating cast of poorly paid employees from the local high school.
In a detailed accounting, the Justice Department said that the documents were found in a box together with five mismatched mittens, a cheetah beanie baby, a dog chew toy, some car keys, and an Olaf-themed ski mask.
The documents themselves were stained with what investigators believe may have been Rocky Road–flavored ice cream.
White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre referred all questions about the matter to the owner of Sweet Lucille’s.
Philadelphia, Pa., January 26, 2023 — Classified documents from Joe Biden’s time as vice president were discovered in an Acela Express first-class car yesterday evening.
Workers who were examining the car before it was decommissioned said that they found the documents stuffed down in one of the seats, where it might have been for years.
Amtrak police notified the FBI, which immediately took custody of the documents.
The White House issued a statement saying, “Joe Biden has been a devoted friend of Amtrak, and hopes this incident will be a spur to further investment in high-speed rail in this country. Also, he takes the handling of classified documents very seriously.”
Republicans have made an issue of the repeated discovery of new classified documents in places associated with President Biden.
Richard Sauber, special counsel to the president, minimized the security threat. He said that once a document had been sat on by so many people, it was very unlikely that any one passenger could get it out from the seat, especially when he or she was probably distracted by the provision of warm nuts and a free drink while riding first class.
White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre told reporters with further questions to call 1-800-USA-RAIL.
Wilmington, Del., July 17, 2025 — The FBI raided the Golden Years assisted-living facility this morning in an extraordinary search for classified documents from Joe Biden’s time as president of the United States.
Biden and his wife, Dr. Jill Biden, have a two-room suite on the second floor of the facility, and the FBI spent approximately 45 minutes sweeping the apartment.
The Justice department said that, according to an initial accounting, documents marked CONFIDENTIAL, SECRET, or TOP SECRET were found in multiple locations in the suite, including under a stack of New York Times crossword puzzles, mixed up with weekly menus and calendars for the facility, under several rolls of paper towels kept in a closet, and lining the cage of a pet parakeet named Scranton that the Bidens adopted shortly after leaving the White House.
In a brief Q-and-A with reporters gathered outside the facility, a visibly agitated Biden gesticulated with a cane and said, “There’s nothing to see here, and whoever says otherwise is a damned liar!”
Dr. Jill Biden briefly intervened and said, “What Joe means to say is that he takes the handling of classified documents very seriously.”
According to sources familiar with the matter, cleaning staff were uncomfortable coming into repeated contact with documents that they felt they shouldn’t see, and the facility reported the existence of the documents to authorities.
A spokesman for the Joseph R. Biden Center for the Study of Statesmanship housed at the Joseph R. Biden Foundation for Excellence at the Joseph R. Biden School of Domestic and Foreign Affairs at the University of Delaware said that President Biden had done nothing wrong, and he referred further questions to the Delaware agency overseeing assisted-living facilities in the state.