The Corner

The Clipboard People, Cont.

In a post earlier today, I talked about the clipboard people, as I do in today’s Impromptus. These are the people – lefties, young – who stand on the sidewalk and accost you about politics, wanting you to sign something. This topic has provoked a ton of mail, and I want to give you just a brief, fun sampling, before getting off it:

“When they come up to me, I always say, ‘Sorry, I’m Eastern Orthodox.’ I figure it’ll confuse them enough that it’ll rattle around in their head for a few days.”

“When they say, ‘Can you spare a moment for women’s rights?’ I say, ‘No, I’m not into women.’”

“They’ll say, ‘Can you help us with same-sex equality?’ I’ll say, ‘Only if you have pictures.’”

“I like to say, ‘Sorry, I’ve given all my money to the Republican National Committee.’”

“My response to the global-warming clipboard people is to look them in the eye and say, ‘Polar bears eat baby seals.’ That usually freezes them in their tracks long enough for me to slip by.”

“Jay, after I explained the problems with the U.N. climate-change models, the guy screamed after me, ‘Right-wing Christian freak!’” (He has been carefully taught, that guy.)

“In Union Square [Manhattan], an earnest lass ran up to me and said, ‘Would you like to help feed starving children?’ I said, ‘To what?’”

“Guy came up to me wanting to talk about human rights. He was wearing a Che shirt. [Of course he was.] I just laughed.”

Last, ladies and gentlemen, I just cherished this story: “Election Day 1984. It was the first time I was eligible to vote, and crossing campus after voting I was stopped by a student taking a survey. She asked me how I voted. I said, ‘Reagan.’ She looked mighty not happy. She said, ‘Why?’ I said, ‘Because Nixon wasn’t running.’ Good times.”

Hilarious.