“Mr. Derbyshire—If the Armenians are pickle specialists, it probably
developed as a self-defense mechanism. I’m one of those gardeners who can’t
resist an offbeat description in a seed catalog. One year I ordered a packet
of Armenian cucumbers. I planted six seeds. The resulting vines grew up a
nine-foot trellis and down the other side. The cucumbers were three feet
long. There were dozens of fruits on each vine. I gave them away until my
friends and co-workers started avoiding me. I used them for BB practice. I
finally threw the remaining cukes on the compost heap. They were
open-pollinated and each cucumber spawned a dozen new vines. We sold the
farm and moved to Minnesota, but for all I know they’re still reproducing
behind the milkhouse and threatening the ecosystem of central Indiana. I
should have drowned them in salt water when I had the chance.”