The Corner

Congrats, Ladies (and Others, I Suppose)

There are males interested in following “The Guy’s Guide to the Gender Minimized 1st Date.”

An excerpt:

When it comes to the first date, the masculine or “butch” or “dom” role is generally defined by taking the lead. The butch asks some version of “I’d like to take you out to dinner, a movie, coffee, etc.,” does all the logistical work to make that date happen, initiates physical/sexual contact, and is responsible for starting conversation the next day if “he” wants the relationship to continue. Hetrerosexual American guys assume they’ll pay for the first date, regardless of whether they endorse traditional or egalitarian gender roles.

The female or “femme” or “sub” role is generally defined by sending subtle, mostly non-verbal messages of interest and responding to the butch’s lead. This role means the femme becomes the “sexual gatekeeper” because “she” is the one who accepts or rejects the butch’s sexual advances.

Very little of this requires sexually dimorphic genitalia. Talking to someone, kissing and groping, and asking to see someone again (or not), requires a heart, a brain, a mouth, and the ability to communicate. Your genitalia—and your partner’s genitalia—are only relevant if you prefer some types of genitalia over others.

To minimize the impact of gender roles, you’ll need to think about this now so you know what you want to do before you start doing it. It’s important to be prepared. Remember that you are not required to maintain one role the entire time; you can switch anytime you like.