The Corner

Cromwell

From a reader:

Weighing in too late, I’m sure, here’s a couple of Cromwell things.   His wonderful speech to the Rump Parliment when he disbanded them in 1653 – it’s hardly possible to think of anything Congressional and not remember it:   “It is high time for Me to put an End to your Sitting in this Place, which you have dishonoured by your Contempt of all Virtue, and defiled by your Practice of every Vice;   Ye are a factious Crew and Enemies of all good Government; Ye are a Pack of mercenary Wretches and would, like Esau, Sell your Country for a Mess of Pottage; and like Judas, betray your God for a few Pieces of Money; Is there a single Virtue now remaining amongst you?   Is there one Vice that you do not possess? Ye have no more Religion than my horse! Gold is your God: Which of you have not bartered your Conscience for Bribes?   Is there a Man amongst you that has the least care for the Good of the Commonwealth?   Ye sordid prostitutes! Have you not defiled this Sacred Place, and turned the Lord’s Temple into a Den of Thieves by your immoral Principles and wicked Practices? Ye are grown intolerably odious to the whole Nation.   Your Country therefore calls upon me to cleanse the Augean Stable, by putting a final Period to your Iniquitous Proceedings in this House, and which by God’s Help, and the strength He has given Me, I now come to do.   I command ye, therefore, upon the Peril of your Lives, to depart immediately out of this Place; Go! Get out! Make haste, ye Venal Slaves, begone!”   And Monty Python’s Cromwell song, sung by John Cleese and set to Frederic Chopin’s Polonaise No. 6:   (spoken)

The most interesting thing about King Charles the First

is that he was 5 foot 6 inches tall at the start of his reign,

but only 4 foot 8 inches tall at the end of it.

Because of…

(sung)

Oliver Cromwell

Lord Protector of England (Puritan)

Born in 1599, Died in 1658 (September)

Was at first (only)

MP for Huntington (but then)

He led the Ironside Calvary at Marston Moor in 1644 and won

Then he founded the new model army

And, praise be, beat the Cavaliers at Naisby

And the King fled up North, like a bat! Toward the Scots…

(spoken)

But under the terms of John Pimm’s Solemn league and covenant,

the Scots handed King Charles the first over to…

(sung)

Oliver Cromwell

Lord Protector of England (and his warts)

Born in 1599, Died in 1658 (September)

But, alas! (Oy vey!)

Disagreement then broke out (between)

The Presbyterian Parliament and the military who meant

to have an independent bent and so,

the second Civil War broke out

And the Roundhead Ranks faced the Cavaliers at Preston Banks!

And the King lost again, silly thing (stupid git)

(spoken)

And Cromwell sent Colonel Pride to purge the House of Commons

of the Presbyterian Royalists, leaving behind only the rump Parliment.

Which appointed a High Court at Westminster Hall

To indict Charles the First for…

(sung)

TYRANNY!!! (Ooohhh!)

(spoken)

Charles was sentanced to death

Even though he refused to accept

That the court had…

(sung)

Jurisdiction.

Say goodbye to his head!

Poor King Charles, laid his head, on the block.

(spoken)

January 1649

Doooooown came the ax. (gasp)

And in the silence that followed, the only sound that could be heard

was a solitary giggle, from…

(sung)

Oliver Cromwell

Lord Protector of England (Ole!)

Born in 1599, Died in 1658 (September)

Then he smashed (Ireland)

Set up the commonweath (and more)

He crushed the Scots at Worcester

At beat the Dutch at sea in 1653, and then

He dissolved the Rump Parliament

And with Lambeth’s consent, wrote the Instrument of Government,

Under which Oliver was Protector at last!

The End!

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