If you think all the federal government does is spend money like a drunken sailor, have I got a surprise for you. It comes in the form of a bizarre amendment that a colleague recently sent me from the Congressional Record.
On August 21, Senator Jeff Flake (R., Ariz.) (for himself and Senator John McCain) submitted an amendment, SA 3835, to H.R. 6157, the Defense Department appropriations bill now working its way through Congress.
Talk about a human touch: Flake’s amendment provides that none of the funding being appropriated for Defense “may be obligated or expended for the development of a beerbot or other robot bartender.”
I know the Navy, Air Force, Army, and Marines spend a lot of money developing new military arms, from infantry rifles and tanks to fighter jets and ships, but it would never have occurred to me that there was a danger that the Defense Department would spend some of its appropriated funds to develop a robot bartender.
That’s exactly what a “beerbot” is, by the way — a robot bartender that will automatically pour you a beer. There is actually a news report from earlier this year about a college student who created such a robot “with an R2D2 type body and a wagging American flag tail” that “can be driven around by remote control and provides you with a frosty beer whenever you want one.”
Wow! The wonders of modern technology. Now, not only do we not have to get off of our couch to change the channel when we are watching college football, but we can get our beer delivered to us on the couch by a robot.
But no worry — if Senator Flake’s amendment is approved, it will not be the Department of Defense using taxpayer money to develop a beerbot. It will be private entrepreneurs that will build the robot bartenders that will make the sports watching of the American male even more convenient. Build it and they will come – to us on the couch.
Human bartenders shouldn’t worry about job security, incidentally. Beerbots don’t even attempt to clean glasses, refill the beer-nut bowls, or listen to your complaints about referees.
American diplomat C. C. Pinckney, who was in Paris during the John Adams administration negotiating with the French during the XYZ Affair, famously said, “Millions for defense, but not one cent for tribute.”
For Jeff Flake, it’s “Millions for defense, but not one cent for beerbots!”