Derb, I hope a Corner reader in Dallas will
write me to tell me where I could have one of my sacred objects encased in
Lucite. It’s…well, it’s a haggis. My old friend Fr. Joe Wilson of Brooklyn
sent me a haggis earlier this year (he’s the haggis-sending sort), and while
there was no chance of my eating it, it did acquire a certain talismanic
quality. I kept the Holy Haggis of Brooklyn in my freezer reliquary, and
later found I couldn’t part with it when I moved from New York. I carried it
on the plane to Texas, and installed in the freezer here. My wife, who is a
heathen and a communiss, blasphemes it regularly, but I am thoroughly
convinced that the reason my son has been preserved from vile and unnatural
affections for the Dallas Cowboys, and that he still realizes that the
Yankees are God’s Team, is the unseen graces lavished upon our family thanks
to the relic’s presence. I would like to encase it in Lucite, so it will be
permanently incorrupt, and place it on public display in my office for the
spiritual edification of sundry pilgrims. Can anyone help?