The Corner

The Derb Factor

Alas, Kathryn, there is one insurmountable drawback to this scheme, as noted

in one of my my “Straggler” columns.

“As badly as I fare in front of still cameras, I am simply terrible on TV.

When you do a TV show nowadays the studio gives you a videotape of your

appearance. I made the mistake of watching one of these once. At first I

wondered if they had got my clip mixed up with some other fellow’s – some

mumbling, shifty-eyed creep with gray teeth, a swindler finally cornered by

the network’s best investigative team after a career of bilking widows out

of their savings via fraudulent home-improvement schemes. Then I recognized

the tie, which I had spent some minutes picking out as being the one least

likely to distract viewers from the enchantment of my address. I consulted a

neighbor who I knew had watched the show. How had I done? There was an

ominous pause. ‘Well, John,’ he said at last, ‘you *are* allowed to look

into the camera, you know…’ I have now made eight or nine TV appearances,

but I cannot help noticing that I have never been invited back for a second

appearance on any show.”—-NRODT, 12/8/03

Now, I might be willing to spring for cosmetic surgery and acting lessons,

given the right incentive. A co-host deal with Linda Vester, perhaps?….

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