At first glance, I didn’t think Ben Affleck’s comment about his ex-wife Jennifer Garner was a serious enough issue to write about, but apparently it’s getting coverage on CNN:
“[If I were still married to Garner] I’d probably still be drinking. It’s part of why I started drinking . . . because I was trapped,” the Argo director admitted to Howard Stern of feeling unhappy in his marriage to Garner, 49. “I was like ‘I can’t leave ’cause of my kids, but I’m not happy, what do I do?’ What I did was drink a bottle of scotch and fall asleep on the couch, which turned out not to be the solution.”
Affleck and Garner have three children together.
Look, I get it. Marriages are hard work, and relationships are messy. The person you were convinced you were going to live happily ever after with turns out to be much more difficult than you expected. Your wife or husband drives you crazy instead of being the balm in your hard times and the partner you thought you would grow old alongside.
But even if you feel like your spouse or your ex is the devil incarnate, it doesn’t do anyone any good — and it particularly doesn’t do your children any good — to complain about your spouse in way that they will hear or see it. Ways such as an appearance on a major national-radio program.
Kids want to love both their parents, and they instinctively hate and fear being put in a position where they will be forced to choose.
If you want to rage and fume and denounce and curse your spouse and ex-spouse in private away from younger ears, go ahead. Everybody who’s married reaches some point of utter exasperation and disappointment with their spouses.
But for God’s sake — and for your family’s sake! — don’t let your kids hear you letting out all of that negativity. Let your kids see their mom or their dad as their mom or their dad, and build and maintain that relationship on their own terms.