The Corner

Politics & Policy

If Sanders Wins, There Will Be Gold at the End of Every Rainbow and a Unicorn in Every Stable

A totally super-credible university economist has run the numbers. The Bernie Sanders plan will do wondrous things for the economy — truly wondrous. And this super-credible economist is so impressive that CNN chose to give his ”study” the mainstream media exposure it so obviously deserves:

Median income would soar by more than $22,000. Nearly 26 million jobs would be created. The unemployment rate would fall to 3.8%.

Those are just a few of the things that would happen if Bernie Sanders became president and his ambitious economic program were put into effect, according to an analysis given exclusively to CNNMoney. The first comprehensive look at the impact of all of Sanders’ spending and tax proposals on the economy was done by Gerald Friedman, a University of Massachusetts Amherst economics professor.

Impressed yet? No? Well, as the late-night television marketers say, that’s not all!

If Sanders became president — and was able to push his plan through Congress — median household income would be $82,200 by 2026, far higher than the $59,300 projected by the Congressional Budget Office.

In addition, poverty would plummet to a record low 6%, as opposed to the CBO’s forecast of 13.9%. The U.S. economy would grow by 5.3% per year, instead of 2.1%, and the nation’s $1.3 trillion deficit would turn into a large surplus by Sanders’ second term.

Well duh. Everyone knows that the largest combo taxing and spending increase in the whole history of the world will result in boundless prosperity, the curing of cancer, and the dancing of unicorns. Look how prosperous most socialist countries are, then imagine that level of paradise multiplied by the $14.5 trillion that Sanders intends to pour straight into the economy — like manna from heaven.

Is it too late for me to switch sides here? Because I’m really feeling the Bern.

In reality – What? Reality? Dude, you’re totally harshing my buzz — stories like this show the flaws of both the academy and the media. Ordinarily, the pie-in-the-sky economic predictions come from the candidates themselves — though I’ve never seen even a candidate be this bold. The Republican version is to promise that tax cuts will shrink the deficit through the magic of “growth.” Democrats say that growth explains how modest new taxes can pay for huge new “investments.” Indeed, candidates assume economic growth in much the same way that — in the famous old joke — economists assume a can opener. But here we’re skipping the candidate and going straight to the totally unbiased radical leftist university economist. Who needs a press release when you can get a professor to make your promises?

And who needs a press release when CNN will carry your water? Think of the gift to Sanders. Those aren’t my predictions, he can say. That’s not my story. It’s merely CNN reporting on the work of a respected economist — who just happens to be a “democratic socialist” who’s advised Sanders in the past. In the meantime, Sanders fans can forward this piece to their hearts’ content, and the rest of us are left with actually having to point out that this economist is predicting the single-greatest burst of economic output and personal prosperity in our lifetimes, an economic boom that both Reagan and Clinton would envy. The Onion would parody these predictions, but it would be too easy. But don’t tell CNN. It will run with the “exclusive” anyway.

It must be nice to be a socialist. You’re guaranteed to have good friends in high cultural places.

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