The Corner

Every Kiss Begins With a Transaction

Okay, as part of the annual tradition a large number of readers come to Kay Jewellers’ defense arguing that I don’t get it. Here is this year’s example, selected almost at random:

Jonah –

I have resisted mightily taking the bait. But I just can’t handle it any more. You’ve broken me down. The CIA won’t need a waterboard for me, they just need to bombard me with posts from you about Kay Jewelers, and I’ll give them whatever they want. Stop already.

It’s a cutesy punny slogan. The word “kiss,” see, begins with the letter “k,” see? So every “kiss” begins with “k.” Get it? Just a catchy slogan based on a pun of sorts. A happy coincidence that the proprietor’s name just happens to be synonymous with the first letter of “kiss,” which just so happens to be what women tend to do to men when they receive jewelry from them. Therefore, ergo, consequently, accordingly, thus, “Every Kiss Begins With Kay”

Cute. Pun. Slogan. Nothing more. No whoredom implied. Jeez.

I can’t believe you finally broke me down. I am shamed.

Me: Wrong. Or, mostly wrong. Yes, it is a pun. But it’s also a double entendre. Kiss does begin with the letter K, but “Kay” is the name of the jewellers. Why else point this out? Why not offer the tagline “Every Hug Begins with H” or “Love begins El”? Or, for that matter, “We have armadillos in our trousers.”?

If you watch these commercials, the man gives the “lady” a sparkly bauble and then she kisses him. At which point — cue music — the pimps at Kay Jewellers instruct you that “every kiss begins with Kay.”

Oh, and one last thing, part of the tradition is also that some readers inform me of the “”she’ll almost have to” line from Family Guy. I am aware. But this is a family website, so we won’t discuss further.

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