The Corner

A Few Things

1. I will agree that Val Kilmer’s performance in Tombstone is top notch. But I actually think Kilmer is one of America’s finest actors. Then again I take great solace in the fact that he’s supposedly a jerk and so his career has suffered. I like the idea that people who aren’t nice to the people around them don’t succeed.

2. I’ll even concede that the acting in Tombstone is quite good.

3. But the film’s climax comes like a full 50 minutes before the end. That is very annoying.

4. There are all sorts of odd messages to be found in the film. I used to have a better catalog of them, but I do seem to recall a wagon full of women demanding “equal work for equal pay” going by in one scene. If I remember this right, this was as out of place as having an AMC Pacer drive by in a movie about World War One. In fact, I think the Pacer was closer to WWI than the slogan “equal work for equal pay” was to 1870s Wyoming.

5. Happy Gilmore is nowhere near as good as Tommy Boy. But The Sure Thing might be.

6. I will never concede that Bugsy Malone is a bad anything — but others might. So I put it on the list.

7. I loved Get Shorty.

8. Get these squirrels off of me!

Number Nine, Number Nine, Number Nine, Number Nine…: Oh, no this list has gotten away from me….

10. Freedom! Horrilbe Freedom!

11. Okay, calm down. Get it together.

12. The Fox shows “Flying Blind,” “Tribeca” and “Profit” were all cancelled too soon.

13. Nick’s the kinda guy you can trust. Nick’s your buddy. Nick’s the kinda guy you drink beers with. The kinda guy that doesn’t care if you puke in his car. Nick.

14. Stop the Humanoid.

15. Where? Here diagonally.

(15.a Pretty sneaky sis.)

16. Take human bites.

17. Behold! A God who bleeds!

18. I could tell you stories about my teeth that would make your hair stand on end.

19. Nuh-nuh-nuh-nineteen.

20. No time for pleasantries, Kyle. We have a level five emergency.

21. Album cover which didn’t make the list.

22. Those aren’t pillows!

23. Lou Costello had a dime stuck in his ear most of his life.

24. [Regaining composure]: Q: How could you leave Gymkata off the list of good-bad movies? A: Because it’s a good terrible movie.

25. John: “Why don’t you knock it off with them negative waves? Why don’t you dig how beautiful it is out here? Why don’t you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?”

26. Speaking of Kelly’s Heroes, did you know that it’s working title was “The Warriors”?

27. Did you know that snails can sleep for up to three years?

28. The human brain contains more than 4 terrabytes of information.

29. More people are born in India every year than live in Australia.

30. Central Park is bigger than Monaco.

31. Flavors.

32. Half of all Americans are of below average intelligence.

33. Married men, on average, are more likely to be married than short men.

34. Chop Suey was invented in America.

35. The Shah of Iran gets a bad wrap.

36. Or, I suppose that’s rap.

37. Speaking of rap, my brother is in the background in the Sbarro scene with the Fat Boys in Krush Groove.

38. He also made appearances on Wonderama and Zoom.

39. New Yorkers say that they wait “on line” while most other people say they wait “in line.”

40. Narcoleptic daschund.

41. 40 is a nice biblical number so I will stop there.


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