An e-mail from a young man in San Jose, California, in response to Friday’s quick “bromances” post:
These articles are true and realistic. But nonetheless, they annoy me. These articles always have a list of reasons, but they always leave several of them out, or refuse to at least look at the possibility of some other reasons.
It always focuses on men pushing off marriage, and “not growing” up. My step-mother was married, her husband had a career(without college), and they owned a house at 23 years old. I challenge anyone to find a 23 year old who makes enough money, educated or not, to buy a home. Also, they never bring up divorce. My stepmother who was married at 21, and had all those things at 23, is now married to my father. So when my generation watched 50% of their parents get divorced, especially if their parents were married young, is it not natural that we would be a little gun-shy. Especially in a culture that showed us that wedding vows are not really vows. They still mean you can’t cheat, but they don’t mean you have to stick around. And then lastly, which people never seem to consider is abortion and single motherhood. I, as a man, have grown up being told and shown, that I really have no say or nothing to do with any of these reproductive choices, and that a Father is not really needed. Women can work in all the same careers we can, stick their kids in day care, and be glorified as a “single” mother. (I do not mind that women can have the same careers, I am just pointing out the culture of male irrelevancy.)
I am 30 years old and unmarried. I do a lot of guy stuff, with my other single friends, and sometimes the married friends also. I struggle with how I am going to make my mark, but I do not feel like it is me refusing to grow up. I feel like it is making the best of what the world is like today, and being cautious in a society where marriage and fatherhood do not mean very much.