The Corner

Guys, Guys, Guys…

Lots of applications for “guy” status in my mailbox this morning. Lots of requests to be “Navy guy,” “Star Trek guy,” “Cubicle Man,” etc.

One reader wants to be my “Ex-Underpaid County Jailer Guy”:

I’m just seeing if the position is open.

I’m certain I can provide valuable insight into the tactical complexities of chow time. I’m always willing to participate in a spirited discussion concerning the age-old controversy: “Does the heel of a loaf count as an actual slice of bread?”

(Seriously, you wouldn’t BELIEVE how big an issue that really was.)

My resume, while not particularly impressive, is at least diverse. I’m also ready to assume duties as “Other Guitar Guy” at a moment’s notice.

Another reader wants to know if the “30 yr old unemployed still lives with mom guy” slot is still open. And then there’s this guy:


I would like to apply for the “Conservative Elementary School Art Teacher with Three Dogs Guy” position. We are a relatively small coalition, but very good at sniffing out NEA Al-Qaeda types with hidden agendas and costly membership fees. Rest assured, my Dalmatian is quite pro-war, I mean pro-liberation, and my Beagle thinks he is General Patton. My Basset Hound is more of a make love not war liberal, but we can exclude her from the war effort…or distract her with a milk-bone dog biscuit, launched scud-style onto the living-room sofa.

But mind you, they all hate the French. Damn Poodles…

Jonah Goldberg — Jonah Goldberg holds the Asness Chair in Applied Liberty at the American Enterprise Institute and is a senior editor of National Review. His new book, The Suicide of The West, is on sale now.

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