The Corner

Heightened Security

This is doing the rounds on email, but deserves the widest possible


The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent

bombings and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.”

Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or

even “A Bit Cross.” Londoners have not been “A Bit Cross” since the

blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been

re-categorised from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the

British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the great

fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its

terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in

France are “Surrender” and “Collaborate.” The rise was precipitated by a

recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively

paralysing the country’s military capability.

It’s not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of

alert. Italy has increased the alert level from “shout loudly and

excitedly” to “elaborate military posturing”. Two more levels remain,

“ineffective combat operations” and “change sides”.

The Germans also increased their alert state from “disdainful arrogance”

to “dress in uniform and sing marching songs”. They also have two higher

levels: “invade a neighbour” and “lose”.

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual and the only

threat they worry about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The opening paragraph reminds me of the suggestion that the reason why

the Glorious Glosters were put in such a precarious position during the

Battle of

Imjin during the Korean War was because American officers did not

appreciate that the message “Things are getting a bit sticky here” was

meant to convey a dire situation…

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