This is doing the rounds on email, but deserves the widest possible
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent
bombings and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.”
Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or
even “A Bit Cross.” Londoners have not been “A Bit Cross” since the
blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been
re-categorised from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the
British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the great
fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in
France are “Surrender” and “Collaborate.” The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively
paralysing the country’s military capability.
It’s not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of
alert. Italy has increased the alert level from “shout loudly and
excitedly” to “elaborate military posturing”. Two more levels remain,
“ineffective combat operations” and “change sides”.
The Germans also increased their alert state from “disdainful arrogance”
to “dress in uniform and sing marching songs”. They also have two higher
levels: “invade a neighbour” and “lose”.
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual and the only
threat they worry about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The opening paragraph reminds me of the suggestion that the reason why
the Glorious Glosters were put in such a precarious position during the
Imjin during the Korean War was because American officers did not
appreciate that the message “Things are getting a bit sticky here” was
meant to convey a dire situation…