My hometown House member, Representative Randy Neugebauer of the 19th Congressional District in Texas, a pretty good guy who has been from time to time rated the most conservative member of the House, is retiring. You may remember him shouting “baby killer!” at Bart Stupak when Stupak helped the Obama administration and congressional Democrats advance some baby-killing legislation, and all the best people were shocked that he’d have the bad taste to tell the truth about what was going on. (Neugebauer disputes this version of events and says he was addressing the legislation, not the legislator. I don’t believe him.) Neugebauer has served on the financial-services committee, where he has been valuable—unlike most House members, he knows a great deal about banking.
I have over the years idly considered running for that House seat—sure, I haven’t voted in nearly a decade, I’m not a member of the Republican party, I’m one of those extremist libertarian types who harbor a smidgen of doubt about the legitimacy of the federal government, etc. More to the point, I don’t currently reside in the district (although that would be easily remedied) and I am an opponent of agricultural subsidies, which might be a tough sell.
I’ve been thinking of possible campaign slogans, though. My original idea, conceived with a primary challenge in mind, was going to be: “Nobody Knows How To Spell Nogabower.” Alas, that moment is gone. Tell me what you think of these, though.
Option A: “I’m Not Really All That Sure I Want To Do This, But If You Elect Me, Yeah, I Guess So.”
Option B: “This Should Be a Hoot.”
Option C: “In It For the Pension.”
Option D: “Hello, I’m Kevin D. Williamson and I’m Running for Congress Because I Intend to Lay Waste To Washington So Hard That It Ends Up Looking Like the 19th Congressional District of Texas! The 13th District, If I’m Really Having a Bad Day!”