The Corner


How Not to Do It . . .


As noted by others, Slate’s sex-advice column “Dear How to Do It” provides considerable insight into our porn-infested culture.

For instance: “Philosophically, I see nothing wrong with you buying your 13-year-old son a sex toy, as he will be masturbating anyway,” begins a recent column, directed at a mother whose parenting we can most charitably interpret by applying Philip Larkin’s “This Be the Verse”:

They f*** you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

As if this scenario couldn’t get any more complex, the “son” in question is not a son at all, but a daughter — a girl who identifies as transgender. But never mind that. The sex-advice fortune cookie pours forth its wisdom: “Just as you wouldn’t try to stop a fish from swimming or a bird from flying, so should you not attempt to impede a teenager from masturbating.”

Another one: “If you have already told your wife that you’re going to pursue your nearly lifelong hankering for men and she has given you her blessing, keep reading.” Oh, tee hee! For context, this piece of advice is written in response to a man who writes that “my wife has had problems getting me off for years” — get that: his wife has had problems. “I have asked her in the past to try and use toys on me during sex, but she was disgusted with the idea,” the advice-seeker complains. Well, she sounds like a horribly selfish woman! The only reasonable next step is to tell her you intend to have sex with men. And if she doesn’t like that, leave her and do it anyway.

Alternatively, sir, you could stop watching porn.


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