Last night, I watched as our infirm commander in chief railed into the night against MAGA Republicans, an apparent subhuman race of miscreants who pose a clear and present threat to our democracy. I was sufficiently alarmed by the speech that I felt compelled to conduct a self-analysis and was devastated to conclude that I am a MAGA Republican. All the indicators are there, despite my best efforts to deny them.
First, I voted for Donald Trump. I didn’t do so for the explicit purpose of ushering in a reign of “authoritarianism,” or creating “threats to our personal rights (or) to the pursuit of justice, to the rule of law, or to the very soul of this country.” I did so because I wanted a good economy, a secure border, low crime rates, cultural sanity, limited government, and robust national security. Nonetheless, res ipsa loquitur.
Second, I’m a conservative; a black conservative, no less. That means no kidding around. Serious. As someone once said, when you’re a black conservative, you don’t get invited to any parties. You’re ostracized, scorned, and vilified. Although constantly lectured by my betters that I should hate this country, I love it with all my heart and soul. Ergo, MAGA on steroids.
Third, most of my male relatives are former military and have fought in wars. I naïvely believed they’d done so to protect the Constitution of the greatest nation on earth, and all of the rights and liberties afforded thereby. I now recognize, reluctantly, that they are themselves fascists — useful primarily as stage props for bewildered politicians delivering vapid speeches. Still, I honor their service.
Fourth, my father had escaped from internment by the Soviet NKVD after World War II. He’d been imprisoned because of his opposition to fascism and totalitarianism. But, thanks to our commander in chief, I now realize my father’s unyielding anti-socialism and anti-communism must have produced ultra-MAGA, fascist tendencies in his offspring.
Finally, although ostensibly I’m an adult, I frequently utter the words, “Let’s go Brandon,” privately and in public and with gusto — as I did last night.
I am a MAGA Republican. Come and get me, copper.