The Corner

Interview — The Cliche Expert

[Our special correspondent John Derbyshire interviewed the third party

candidate Aloysius Arbuthnot the other day. Dr. Arbuthnot is the candidate

for the Cliche Party. We shall be publishing the transcript of this

interview in instalments.]

D–Mr. Arbuthnot, I understand you are running as a third-party candidate in

November.

A–That’s correct, Mr. Derbyshire. I feel the American people should have a

choice.

D–Perhaps you could explain some of your positions to us. Iraq, for

instance. What will you do?

A–I have a plan. We need strong alliances. That’s what I learned in

Vietnam.

D–I see. But aren’t things going rather badly there right now?

A–It’s tough. It’s hard work. I understand how hard it is.

D–Uh-huh. Do you think the major candidates are addressing this properly?

A–No. They are not being candid with the American people.

D–So let me get this clear. Do you think the war was a mistake in the

first place?

A–The world is safer without Saddam Hussein.

D–Undoubtedly. But what do we do now?

A–We don’t have enough troops there. But I have a plan to bring them home.

D–If the world is safer without Saddam Hussein, wouldn’t it be even safer

without Kim Jong Il?

A–We need a new dialogue with North Korea. Bilateral. Multilateral.

Quadrilateral. Heptagonal. Duodecagonal.

D–But what’s the point of dialogue if they won’t honor agreements?

A–It’s tough. It’s hard work….

[To be continued]

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