The Corner

It’s Better When You Wake Up Body-Snatched . . .

I think Obama remains popular because there is now no bad news. I saw this recent headline blaring, “Surge in Labor Force Shows U.S. Workers Gaining Confidence” and was uplifted — until way down into the article this little bit was unfortunately left in by some un-podded censor, “The gain in the labor force in part helps explain why the jobless rate jumped to 9.4 percent in May, the highest since 1983.” Where did that icky guy come from?

In any case, we are happier waking up as alien duplicates. At least no one is dying in Iraq that we know of. Our Predator drones no longer kill anyone besides terrorists. Military tribunals, renditions, and wiretaps are a-okay. GM and Chrysler are finally “readjusting.” The Muslim world likes us now. If $2 trillion deficits are okay, why not $3 trillion? Terrorists are unmentioned and so no longer exist. Europeans ask why can’t they have their own Obama. Even the likes of Pravda and Hugo Chávez swear that we are more leftist and PC than they they ever were. No more silly movies like Rendition or Redacted, since both protocols are now approved. Everyone is proud of the U.S. again. We’ve got a president who finally cares enough to remind us to inflate our tires and wash our hands. Only a few problems remain — mostly those red-eyed hold-outs who won’t go to sleep and so swear that Justice Sotomayor said more than twice that Latinas are wiser than white men, when we know she really didn’t, or at least didn’t mean it.


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