Just a fraction of email from readers. For the record, I’ll be away from my computer for several hours starting in a little while, so if the deluge could slow to a trickle, I’d appreciate it.
This was my favorite:
Did you hear the one about the vulture at the airport? He tried to take two dead possums on the plane but the gate agent told him he was only allowed one carrion item.
As long as you are on this painful subject, you would be remiss if you did not post this one:
Have you heard about the agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac?
He stays up all night pondering whether there is a dog.
Cosmo would appreciate it.
And (though I don’t think this is a pun):
Werner Heisenberg gets stopped for speeding. The cop asks, “Do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg says, “No, but I know exactly where I am.”
And, not a pun, but a complaint::
Posting puns; bad. Posting the same fish pun twice; inexcusable.
To which I respond:
“If I were to be punish-ed
for every little pun I shed
I’d hie me to a punny shed
and there I’d hang my punnish head.”
– Dr. Samuel Johnson
One of the main objections to windmill farms is that birds flying
through them are likely to be killed.
They become shredded tweet.
1. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
2. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.
3. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
4. What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).
5. She used to have a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but she broke it off.
6. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
7. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A scientist doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals was trying to solve a problem when he fell in and became part of the solution.
10. Did you hear about the guy who emailed ten puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh? Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.