I have had a trickle of e-mails attempting to chastise me for “making fun of
the way black people speak” by having the Rev. Al Sharpton say “I’s” for
“I’m.” Same thing last week, when I had him saying “ax” for “ask.”
To all these humorless nitwits I say: “Nuts!” What do you mean, “the way
black people speak”? Bill Cosby doesn’t speak like that. Jesse Jackson
doesn’t speak like that. Condoleeza Rice doesn’t speak like that. I’ll bet
Frederick Douglass, Booker T. Washington and W.E.B. DuBois didn’t speak like
that. Among other black people who did not / do not speak like that: The
Rev. Martin Luther King, Ralph Abernathy, Colin Powell, Harry Belafonte,
Arthur Ashe, Lena Horne, Clarence Thomas, Paul Robeson,…
I know you cretins can’t read too fast, so I’ll type this out real slow.
Ready? Here goes: I WASN’T MAKING FUN OF THE WAY BLACK PEOPLE SPEAK, I WAS
MAKING FUN OF THE WAY AL SHARPTON SPEAKS.
It is, of course, difficult, if not impossible, for patronizing liberal
nail-biters of your stripe to conceive that black people differ from each
other in any way at all, and to be filled with baffled outrage when they do.
None the less, I can inform you with certainty that black people have lots
of different ways of speaking. Al Sharpton chooses to speak like Stepin
Fetchit’s dumber brother. That’s his right. My right is to poke fun at him
Mocking the speech mannerisms of presidential candidates is a fine old
American tradition. I bet Rick Brookhiser can adduce examples all the way
back to the Founding Fathers. I shall continue to do this, with Sharpton
and any other candidates whose diction strikes me as mockable. And all you
patronizing PC-niks can go boil your silly heads. Got that?
*For those too young to remember, this was a characteristic JFK-ism when he
was responding to questions.