The Corner

“Mad,” Indeed

From an upsate NY newspaper:

Diary of a mad liberal trapped in Stupidland

By Beth Quinn

Day 1,654. I continue to be dumbfounded by how dumb he really is.

I don’t know why I can’t just accept it as some of the others here at the outpost have. We’ve known it for more than four years. Even so, my jaw drops whenever we get a harsh reminder.

Today he told a captive audience of journalists that teachers in what is left of our public school system should be teaching “intelligent design” as an equal alternative to the theory of evolution.

“Intelligent design” is his code word for creationism – the belief that God waved a magic wand one day and – poof! – there we were, fully evolved humans standing in the garden, partially clothed and hankering after apples.

The mere fact that he was made president should be proof enough that we aren’t even yet fully evolved! We were headed in the right direction, but logic has now taken a U-turn down the neural pathways of the collective American brain into a cul de sac labeled The Dark Ages.

And now he wants creationism – a belief as anachronistic as the sun revolving around the earth – elevated to the status of scientific theory.

The scientists here at the outpost – what a scared lot they are right now, especially after he rejected their global warming idea! – tell me the word “theory” is reserved for special occasions. If something gets to be a theory, as evolution has, then there’s overwhelming evidence that it’s really, really true.

Creationism, on the other hand, is not science. And unless you’re among the crowd that takes the Old Testament literally – locusts and pillars of salt and the works – it’s really just a parable. A religious parable.

Actually, I thought this was all settled back in the 1920s. But here we are.

Millions of people of both logic and faith have no problem with the idea that God and Darwin can coexist. They figure God created the raw materials for humans, then humans evolved so the species would survive. That’s still a heck of a creation!

They give God full credit for creating the starter dough, so to speak – but he gets the credit in church, not school.

Yet now the leader of the free world – if not free thought – wants teachers to tell our children that creationism and evolution are equal but different scientific theories.

How ironic when, in fact, he’s living proof of evolution! I’ve seen him on our television here at the outpost. I know how close-set his eyes are. Perhaps this is all a matter of denial on his part. Perhaps his simian ancestry hits just a little too close to home when he looks in the mirror.

Some of the others here have lost all hope – although there is talk of a rebellion among the librarians. They are our only beacon now…

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