Math Humor

OK, let’s get ‘em off our chests.

Q: What’s huge, white, swims in the ocean, and has only one side?

A: Moebius Dick.

That was from a reader. However, the current (Jan. ‘05) _Notices of the

American Mathematical Society_ has a round-up of math humor, from which I

have selected the following.

Q: What’s brown, furry, runs to the sea, and is equivalent to the Axiom of

Choice?

A: Zorn’s lemming.

Q: What’s yellow, linear, normed, and complete?

A: A Bananach space.

Q: What does an analytic number theorist say when he’s drowning?

A: Log-log, log-log, log-log,…

Q: How many number theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: This is not known, but it is conjectured to be a prime number.

Q: How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One, if it knows its own Goedel number.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?

A: To get to the same side.

***Excuses for not doing math homework:

—I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.

—I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook, I couldn’t reach it.

—I have the proof, but there isn’t room to write it in this margin.

***Set-theoretic campfire song:

Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall

Aleph-null bottles of beer,

You take one down and pass it around,

Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall…

Not included in the AMS collection is one of the very first math jokes I

ever heard, soon after entering college. It’s not really a math joke, just

an absent-minded professor joke, but I like it.

Joke: Some students came upon their math professor kneeling by his bicycle.

Looking closely, they saw that one of the tires was flat. The math

professor was pumping air into the *other* tire. “Excuse me, Professor,”

said one of the students. “You are pumping air into the wrong tire.” The

professor stopped what he was doing and stood up, looking perplexed.

“But… do they not communicate?”

Joe Biden Botches the Georgia Voting Law

His claim that the law prohibits giving water to voters standing on line is way off base.

Powerful Evidence That George Floyd Resisted Arrest

The Derek Chauvin case is more complicated than prosecutors would have it.

CNN News Writer Denies the Biological Reality of Sex at Birth

To pretend that we as a society are incapable of knowing whether a child is a male or female at birth is lunacy.

Why Not Fewer Voters?

The fact is that voters got us into this mess. Maybe the answer isn’t more voters.

The Great California Exodus

A look at why droves are leaving the state.

Never Ask a Question You Don’t Need to Ask: Chauvin Lawyer Gets Clobbered by Witness’s Gripping Testimony

There’s rarely an upside in asking pointed questions to a young, nervous, highly sympathetic witness.

Why More U.S. Inflation Is Right Around the Corner

The recently released Consumer Price Index numbers should be seen as a harbinger of what’s to come.

Beware Biden’s Ghost-Gun Protocol

The misguided campaign to clamp down on homemade firearms presents a slippery slope.

A Wake-Up Call for Conservatives

Millennials and Generation Z show no sign of growing more conservative over time like the Boomers did. We must address the age gap.

McConnell Dodges Question on Trump’s Profanity Filled Mar-a-Lago Speech

Senator Mitch McConnell evaded a question about Trump’s remarks, which came in an off-script speech at a major Republican National Committee donor gathering on Sunday.

Hollywood Won’t Really Leave Georgia

Progressive values rarely come before profits in the movie business.

Biden's U.N. Ambassador: 'White Supremacy Is Weaved into Our Founding Documents and Principles'

‘We have to acknowledge that we are an imperfect union and have been since the beginning,’ Linda Thomas-Greenfield said.