Global warming? That was so-o-o 2005. The current scare topic is global cooling.
The Greenland and Antarctic ice cores and other evidence show that for the past several million years, severe glaciation has almost always afflicted our planet.
The bleak truth is that, under normal conditions, most of North America and Europe are buried under about 1.5km of ice. This bitterly frigid climate is interrupted occasionally by brief warm interglacials, typically lasting less than 10,000 years.
The interglacial we have enjoyed throughout recorded human history, called the Holocene, began 11,000 years ago, so the ice is overdue. We also know that glaciation can occur quickly: the required decline in global temperature is about 12°C and it can happen in 20 years.
The next descent into an ice age is inevitable but may not happen for another 1000 years. On the other hand, it must be noted that the cooling in 2007 was even faster than in typical glacial transitions. If it continued for 20 years, the temperature would be 14°C cooler in 2027.
By then, most of the advanced nations would have ceased to exist, vanishing under the ice, and the rest of the world would be faced with a catastrophe beyond imagining.
Meanwhile, the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, Switzerland, is scheduled to start up in July, possibly reducing our planet to a melon-sized lump of “strange matter,” or a gumball-sized black hole fizzing away its substance — your substance and mine, pal — in Hawking Radiation.
Bottom line: Don’t be buying any green bananas.