The Corner

Morning Rites

All right, I can’t stand it…Here’s my morning…

6:15 AM dog barking because stray dog is outside the window. He’s in love with her because he’s not neutered and she was supposed to be at 6 months but she got mange and had to have injections before she scratched all her hair off. “Oh, she’s too young to go into heat,” says vet. Oh, really. Now stray is sleeping on our porch (cute, shepherd mix, sweet but irritatingly enamored).

6:20 walk dog. Wave NY Post at stray.

6:25 Children up and hungry (they do not sleep in like Derb’s). Toast and jam three different ways, two kinds of cereal, one order of waffles.

6:40 Search for socks, gym uniforms, school shoes, permission slips, lunch boxes, last night’s homework.

6:45 Make coffee, make lunch, pack lunch boxes, pack snacks.

6:55 Fill out permission slips, write checks for field trips to Emperor’s New Clothes (should be some interesting staging for 2nd graders — “it’s a nudie play,” says my 7-year old) and Pequot Museum.

7:05 Dutiful daughter dressed and feeding the dog. Second grader still pondering shoe laces of right shoe.

7:10 3-year old wants attention. “Mommy, I calling you!”

7:15 Left shoe of 7-year old now being tied. Dog barking.

7:20 Refrain of “we’re going to miss the bus” begins.

7:25 Children returned to bathroom for face-washing and one case of skipped tooth-brushing.

Dog still barking.

7:30 “It’s time for the bus!” I realize once again that I will be standing outside in my flannel pajamas as I have forgotten to change.

7:32 We run en masse outside as I brush the kids’ hair and ignore the little one who wants his waffles reheated.

7:33 “THE BUS! It’s here!” Last dash back inside for forgotten lunch box. Dog going nuts.

Children pile on. Driver gives me that look — “You made it today.” I notice my son’s shoes are still untied. “Tie your shoes!” I yell.

7:34 Return inside. Husband sitting in fluffy bathrobe with the newspaper and a cup of coffee. “Why was the dog barking so much?” he wonders.

Tiny son: “Mommy, hello? Waffles, please.”

[Please note that there was no coffee-drinking or newspaper-reading by the person who posted this.]

Susan Konig is a journalist who writes frequently for National Review. She is the author of Why Animals Sleep So Close to the Road (And Other Lies I Tell My ...

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